A stage of life over

Two weeks ago I finished weaning Silas. I fed him longer than the others simply because I wasn't ready to be done with the baby stage in life. I started grieving the end of breastfeeding when Silas was around 9 or 10 months. Soon after, he became an on-demand feeder. Had he not been our last, this would have never happened. I continued to push back the weaning date but Brett finally encouraged me to do it as Silas is just too clingy and he needed some strings cut. Dropping the first feeding was the worst, as he was constantly pulling at my shirt. But we finally got through that and the last feeding was fairly anticlimactic. At least until I told Brett later that I had given my last feeding which followed with loads of tears. This is actually terrible, because moments earlier Brett was telling me of a little girl who had just died at the hospital. She had been there for two weeks, struggling with the sequela of malaria. Her father had stayed by her bed which is really rare. I wasn't very compassionate at all to the situation, saying the girl had never been well. But then we talk of me ending breastfeeding and I start to bawl. Terrible, I know. I think one thing I feared with ending of breastfeeding was that it was also the end of having a baby. That now because I was no longer giving him the breast, I couldn't be the best comforter. Silly, I know, since I am still his mom. But that was my fear. Thankfully, on the way home from Bamako to get my sister, Silas was crying in the car. No one could console him but me. Yes there are times that this fact fatigues me, but that day I was quite content and thankful to still have a baby who needed his mommy.

So now I am done with breastfeeding and down to only one kid in diapers! My boys are growing up!! We have no plans for another child EVER and Lord willing that will be the path we take. I do find myself, however, needing to hold the little newborns on rounds at the hospital each day. This will have to do for now to make sure I don't get the baby bug again.

Though I do miss breastfeeding, I must say there are real bonuses. I can eat whatever I want and drink whatever I want without considering another human being. From July 2004 until December 2009, there were only three weeks that I was NOT pregnant or breastfeeding. I always had to think of the baby inside or the baby I was feeding. I was always worried about making sure I was drinking enough water, esp here in Mali. Now I don't have to. I drink when I'm thirsty, no pressure. I have been drinking caffeine in the morning AND afternoon. That part is nice. I am enjoying having me back to myself. :)

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

We are blessed this year to have my sister and her family here for the holidays! The kids are loving playing together.

Here on Christmas day, everyone dresses up in the same cloth (sold to raise money for Malian missionaries who serve in Africa) and heads to church for an extra long service. The church service we attended lasted three and a half hours. Each people group sings and song, as well as the women's group, the children and anyone else who feels the need to sing. :) It is enjoyable but long and since it takes up the morning, we postponed our Christmas until today.

But here we are in our cloth. Kenan was upset because he wanted to push the button for the camera but Dawson got to do it first. :)

My sister bought all the kids matching pajamas. They had to pose for a picture before they could open presents. Not too bad for 6 in the morning, I think.

The kids have had lots of fun today. Jake, a fellow missionary here, came over as well to join in the Christmas fun. My parents also wanted us to call them, so even though we woke them up at 1:30 in the morning their time to open presents, they enjoyed it and it was fun to have them there. Kenan loved showing them all his new gifts. I think Kenan was the most fun to watch open gifts this year. He was happy with everything, even if it was a shirt or a book. He would respond with something like "it's my favorite" or "i love it." Afterwards we got to have breakfast, and though bacon here isn't really bacon, more like country ham, it was still nice to eat it and some grits, eggs and biscuits.

There are many more pictures that I must post at some point, like the new Christmas tree my sister brought me, the ornaments she made with the kids, and the gingerbread house. She is extremely creative and so good with kids so the boys are enjoying her being here. Next up, will be Kenan's Superman Party! (his birthday is Jan 1).

Holly Jolly Christmas

This video is for my aunt Patricia in honor of John. Each year they sent the boys singing Christmas cards (and often birthday cards as well). To say the boys love them is an understatement. I think the cards are the highlight of Christmas, at least until all the new toys are opened. :) Usually, they go around opening the cards and singing to them all the time. This year, I haven't let them for fear they would destroy them and they are just too precious to me. When they opened them it made me miss John so much as they are something that is so John- even making a Christmas card entertaining by having it sing. So they are now hidden in my room so they are preserved. But I had to get a video of them dancing to the cards. The card music isn't too loud, but it is Holly Jolly Christmas. The other card sings Feliz Navidad. I actually like Dawson singing that one better but at the moment of videoing, Kenan had that card. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Today

Since I'm in the blogging mood, just thought I'd keep going.

Here is our front gate. Our guard decided to put the wire up so the plants would grow over the door. I think it is so pretty.

Bocar insisted that it was freezing this morning. You see how he is covered up. So I had to get Silas all covered up so he could bear the 70 degree weather. Maybe it was actually in the upper 60s, maybe. But here they are playing together. So sweet. Silas loves his Bocar and Jeremie. He has even now started saying Bocar's name.

Evidence that yes he is walking. (Sorry no video, tried uploading one today and it took forever and I finally stopped it).

This picture was taken right after the one of Silas so you can see that it really isn't that cold if he is comfortable in his underwear. :)

I don't know if you can see it well, but I wanted to show the caked dirt Silas has on his feet. It's all brown and rough- and this is before he's gotten dirty today.

The Pediatrics team

The other night we had the pediatrics team over for a goodbye party for Aimée who is getting married and moving away. We had pizza, which they liked, and a leftover pumpkin pie from the Thanksgiving party which wasn't really a hit except to the girls. They enjoyed watching Tom and Jerry which is a big hit here. I guess it's because the plot is simple and they can follow it despite not understanding the words.

Esayi, Aimée, Jospeh, and Jeanne (she is a visiting medical student)

Then with the toubabs (white person) as well. The other white guy in the picture is Jake, a nurse who does anesthesia as well as pediatrics.

Our Christmas decorations

When it is 80-90 degrees outside, it is hard to feel like it is the Christmas season. So between that and the fact that three little boys occupy this house, our decorations are minimal. I considered not putting them up but the other day we were at our neighbor's who have put up all their Christmas stuff. Dawson came home saying, "why did they have their Christmas tree up? It isn't Christmas time." I told him it actually was Christmas time so he insisted we get the decorations out.

These are the boys' first Christmas ornaments. They are on my dresser since I want to see them but don't want the boys to touch them.

This is the whole set up. Do you think it's too much? :)

The tree was down on a table and the stockings hung on the drawers of the armoire, but within a day the boys had managed to break several ornaments and mess up the stockings so all went on top of the tv armoire.

We do actually have lights hung up in the living room as well, which Dawson wants on from the moment he is up until bedtime. I must admit, they are kind of fun, but something tells me we won't be winning the Christmas decoration contest this year. :)

Pictures of our time in the US

Though it was a terrible reason to come home, it was good to be with family. All the four grandkids who are only 7 weeks apart total were able to meet for the first time. (I didn't bring my camera so all pictures are courtesy of Jen or Ben- thanks! and this applies to the several other posts below.).

This was right after Shelby Grace and Silas met Eli. They shared very well.

sometimes. :)

And here is Riley, the fourth one year old. Somehow the cameras were never out when everyone was together but I wanted to attach a picture of her anyway. She's a cutie.

Silas enjoying sitting around with the family.

and playing with sticks.

bath time was fun

Silas and Zachary had sword fights. Silas missed hitting his older brothers.

Then there was baby in diaper time on the couch. Eli wasn't a fan.

but Shelby Grace was.

and so was Silas. They enjoyed being the center of attention.

who me?

Yes you, Silas.

So happy to be center stage

but Shelby Grace was up for the challenge to make people watch her too. :)

Yum Yums

There is this hot dog and ice cream shop, Yum Yum's, that my mom has taken us all our life. My mom has been going there since she was young. It is on UNC-Greensboro's campus. I LOVE ice cream, and Yum Yum's has the BEST ice cream in the world in my opinion. They also have awesome hot dogs. The best part is everything is really cheap. So when we are around that area, we try to stop. Now some people don't quite understand how wonderful this place is, but at least the girls in my family think it is fantastic and as Brett would always say, "It's Tradition.. tradition!" If we really wanted to walk down memory lane, we would first eat at Stamey's bbq, then head over to Yum Yum's. I have very vivid memories of being there with my grandparents so it is fun to now be able to take my kids. This was Silas' first trip (and yes, I documented the other two boys' first taste of the best ice cream in the world).

You start with the hot dog.

Silas enjoying the hot dog while I faithfully watch him because I have just handed him the whole thing instead of cutting it up.

Lovin' it.

Eli enjoying his as well. Ben was nice enough to share his ice cream with his son, I however, am not that nice. I get my own. No sharing of Yum Yum's ice cream.

Shelby Grace eating it a little more ladylike.

The gang.

The great grandkids.

Salem Lake

While Silas and I were home, we visited the lake where my Uncle John died with the family.

My aunt Patricia and cousin David

So the top row: my dad, Aunt Vicky, Uncle Rackley (Patricia's brother)

Zachary (Jen's son), Ben, Sarah and Eli

David and Patricia

Silas, Jen, Shelby Grace

my mom

Mom with her only granddaughter

David and Zachary

Zachary and his momma

The whole gang. Not a bad picture with so many people and three one year olds. :)

There you have it

The other night I was kissing Dawson. It's one of my favorite things to do-kiss my boys. As I was on the 20-30th kiss, I was reminded of how Brett tells me that I can't smother my boys because as he says, they are boys. So I stopped and asked Dawson if I was kissing him too much to which he said no. (thank you!)

A little bit later he said. "You can never give me too many kisses."

"I can give you kisses even when you are big like Daddy?" I asked.

"Yes!" he said with a huge smile.

So there you have it. I can't ever give Dawson too many kisses. So glad to know it. And believe you me I'll be pulling out this post to show him what he said when he is a teenager and doesn't feel like loving on his momma. :) And for the record, the week before, he also told me that he would always sit in my lap. So glad to know I am covered.

Uncle John

On November 7^th, my uncle John went to be with the Lord. He had gotten up early to ride around a lake in their area. Soon after that, a runner found him in the lake. Most likely he had an arrhythmia that caused him to die instantly and roll on his bike into the water. According to the autopsy, he did not have a heart attack nor aneurysm, nor did he drown. This was obviously a shock and a terrible loss for our family. He leaves behind his wife, Patricia, and two sons, David and Ben (wife Sarah) and grandson, Eli.

John was one of a kind. He could lighten the mood in any room. He was full of joy and laughter. He was always positive and encouraging. He was fun. He was always ready to play any and every game and would always try with all his might to beat his opponent, even if it was a little kid. He was athletic and full of energy. He loved NC State and often wore red with pride. He was highly intelligent and always curious and interested to learn new things. I feel like he never stopped seeing the world through a child’s eyes. He found the wonder in even the smallest of things, like monitoring the weekly growth of his tomatoes or keeping track of how much rain they had gotten with his rain gauge. These things and many others would inevitably end up on his blog so that everyone could join in excitement. His favorite invention had to be the digital camera. He could take as many pictures as he wanted without paying for developing. His camera was always in hand and he was always ready to take a picture of you doing whatever activity he felt was picture worthy. And these, of course, would also end up on his blog. He loved music and would often just start singing a song.

One day he was out taking a picture of his newly painted mailbox for his blog and realized he was capturing his shadow in the pictures. So forget the mailbox, he started taking pictures of his shadow. Like I said, he saw the joy and fun in the small things. :)

John loved his family deeply. He and Patricia were inseparable. They were best friends who did everything together. As Patricia says, they were best buddies. They truly had something special. He loved Patricia well and served her in every way.

He loved his boys as well. He passed on to them his intelligence and desire for knowledge. Both ended up at Duke University. He was proud of his boys and never failed to support them. Whether David was working for Flyswat, Yahoo, or Kiva, you could find John wearing a hat or shirt supporting his son’s work.

The family grew a little over a year ago when Ben and Sarah had Eli and so did John’s love. He was so proud of his sweet grandson and would be sure to tell you a story or show you a picture.

I love his face in this picture.

He loved his great nephews as well.

John with Zachary, my sister's son.

More than a love for his family, John had a love for the Lord. He was a true servant, always willing to help anyone with whatever task they had. He always served without grumbling or complaining. He loved everyone and always made people feel accepted. John understood that this life was only a foreshadow of what was to come. He was willing to tell anyone about the Lord and ask if they knew Him personally. He was a man of prayer. Even his prayers at dinner became a moment for him to pray for the lost and that we would be servants of the Lord who would faithfully share His love with others. There are many verses that can describe John because he was a man who lived for the Lord. He lived out Christ’s example, humbling himself and becoming a servant. Another passage that I believe John lived out well is Romans 12:9-18

“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

John lived out these verses. He was a peacemaker and a servant.

John was like a second father to me. Patricia and he were very much involved in our lives growing up and even now as adults. They came on our family vacations. We talked to them regularly. I always knew that they loved me, cared for me, prayed for me and supported me. When I was home for his funeral, I had to look for something in his wallet. There were pictures of course, of his sons, his wife Patricia, his daughter-in-law, his grandson, as well as of his nieces. I feel privileged to have made his wallet. I love John very much. John taught me several things. One, to enjoy life, even the simple things. One should never lose sight of the wonder of things. Two, how to be a servant. John constantly gave to others and served with his whole heart. It was impressed on me at a young age that John and Patricia were servants. Though they had all they needed, they weren’t wealthy, yet they gave generously to others. They were always helping this or that family, giving their time to some group or volunteer organization. Their love for the Lord poured out onto others. That flows into the third thing his life taught me- to love unconditionally. John never met a stranger nor ever felt that he was above another. He was willing to associate with people of low position. Or any position. He didn’t see color or status or political affiliation or anything but the person and he loved them.

John will be dearly, dearly missed. As I have said before, if you had to be stuck in a room with one of our family members, you’d want it to be John. He was a joy to be around. He made any situation better. Life just won’t be the same without his camera catching every activity, even if it was you sneezing or asleep on the couch, and without his smile and laugh that could warm any heart. We love you, John, and though we know you are rejoicing with your Father in heaven, we on earth are left with a void that can’t be replaced. There is no one like you, John. You are one of a kind, an amazing husband, wonderful father, terrific uncle, a beautiful child of God who knew His Father well and shared His love with others.