Happy Father's Day!

One of the boys favorite things to do with their daddy is ride bikes. They go up to a "mountain" and see an "ant house" which is really a huge termite mound. They love it. Dawson loves getting to drink daddy's special drink- gatorade. :) They have a blast. Since there is only one seat on the bike, Brett takes Dawson first and then comes back for Kenan. Kenan screams as he has to wait for his ride and is so excited when they return so he can go.

I love that Brett takes the boys on these rides. It was on one of these such rides that he talked to Dawson about going back to preschool last year. After that talk, Dawson was willing to go. I was so amazed. There's something about that ant house and getting special time with daddy that makes everything ok.

So in honor of father's day, here are picks from their ride on Friday.

Ready to head out.

at the ant house

and for the next boy

he just looks so cute to me here

and here too...

and this is the difference between dads and moms. daddy will let you play IN the termite mound. pretty cool.

and poor Silas doesn't get to go on rides yet so here's just a pick of the two of them together.

happy daddy's day!! (or as dawson called it all day- happy valentine's day). the other day as we made cards and such for Brett, Dawson insisted on making black squares (construction paper completely painted black) for daddy for valentine's day. :)

and to my dad- thanks for always loving me and putting up with us girls growing up! thank you for always supporting us and encouraging us in what we felt led to do. I love you!

I've got a lot to learn.

Girls come around to everyone’s home and sell different vegetables and fruits. It is a known thing that those who sell can be asked by any man to come to their house and “give them their fruit.” He either buys the all the fruit she has or just gives her the money for all the fruit and lets her keep it. These are young girls that start in this life style. So this one girl kept coming to our house. I liked her so I told her that if she came to the house, I’d buy something. I thought maybe this would keep her from having to sell herself. This was stupid. Instead she just kept coming everyday expecting me to buy something. It was way too much. You can only buy so many green beans. So I then told her she needed to just come once a week. She does that, but she also shows up at the hospital. She is not happy if I don’t buy a lot. Then yesterday, she just walks right in our gate into our yard to try to sell stuff. She’s just getting too comfortable. I’ve had to tell her if she ever comes into our yard again without me or our house guy opening the gate, then I will never buy from her again. I just feel like I screwed up. Never make a friend with a little girl selling fruit. It just becomes too much. Now I know. Just wish I could get rid of her now. But here’s another story where I really have more to learn…

As I mentioned before, I am working with HIV patients at the hospital. I really do like it- it’s a way we can love the “least of these.” But I must be honest.  I have a hard time loving them. I am one who tends to fear, which I really hate and am claiming that the Lord will deliver me from all my fears (Psalm 34:4). But still, they remain. So though I want to be overly loving and kind to these women, I also want to wash my hands as soon as I am done. I mean, I’m all for standard precautions (like wearing gloves and so forth) for all patients, but I want to triple glove if I could. I always check every mom before I help with the the receiving of the newborn to see if they are HIV positive or not. It’s not out of being cautious. It’s out of fear. I recognize this and am working on it. So I had a lady come back for her second visit yesterday. (We have them come back a week after initially telling them to see if they went to the government hospital to get medicines and see how they are doing). She’s the first one to come back. She was the first one to take the news well. But really, she took it too well. So she came back yesterday and was all excited to see me. She kept calling me her “terimuso” friend. We were joking because we are “cousins” here with our Malian names. (She is Fulani and I am a blacksmith-it’s just this thing they do here, it’s really kept the country peaceful because when a dispute starts, the cousins defend each other to other people but they also always make fun of each other. ) So I was happy- she had come back for her appointment, was accepting of her disease, willing to get treatment, kept saying that we did a good job here, that the people were very caring, etc. And trying to reach out and love her, I was trying to engage her. She told me that she knew where I lived and she was going to come to my house to talk some. I was sort of ok with this- but again, I was trying to be loving so I went along with it. Well, on the way home, they turned down our street and I was right behind them. I stopped to wait for Jeremi to open the gate. She hopped off her moto and ran to me. I continued to talk to her because, well, she already knew where I lived and again, I was trying to be nice. Jeremi had Silas so she asked if that was my kid, I said yes. She said she wanted to look at him. But “looking” here at a baby means holding a baby. So I pulled the car into the garage and as I was getting out of the car, she KISSED Silas on the LIPS!! I thought I was going to die. But again, trying to be nice, I just took Silas from her and didn’t say anything. Now I know full well that you CANNOT pass HIV through saliva, esp with such a little kiss as it was (I’m not totally sure that their lips fully touched). But still? Who goes around kissing someone else’s kid- esp when the mom of that kid just told you that you have HIV??? So after talking to Brett, he is sure she has mental issues. She just takes her diagnosis too well, wants too much to be our friend, is too easily appeased, and is just a little strange. It is not normal to go around kissing another person’s baby on the lips. So I’m frustrated at myself that I even got in that situation. That I am such a poor judge of character that I don’t recognize when something isn’t right. Or maybe I just don’t want to really think about it. Brett has an incredible ability to percieve a situation or person very quickly. He sees something that is abnormal and he thinks about why it is that way. I often just assume that they are just really nice or just happy for some reason. It’s like a time we went out for dessert when we lived in Charleston (to eat a fruit basket- which is heavenly- a brittle basket filled with ice cream and various fruit, topped with whip cream and chocolate syrup. So good, but anyway) and we were sitting beside this couple. The guy was very talkative and friendly. He talked to us throughout the meal. As we left I said to Brett and my friend who was with us, “He was really nice.” They both immediately said, “He was drunk.” Oh that’s what it was. I feel the same way this time. Totally unaware of the reality of the situation which lead my baby to be kissed by a random HIV + person. It’s one of those things where I must live and learn and just trust the Lord that He is watching over our kids and He is in control. It is only by the grace of God that the boys are alive and healthy. Not by my parenting that’s for sure (like the time I found dawson standing over a well here that he had pushed the cover off with his feet looking for the bucket. The image still scares me- he was standing over a well which was hundreds of feet deep and very skinny. Thank you ,Jesus ,that you are my children’s protector!) I really have a lot to learn! 

And the other two

Since I just highlighted Silas, I feel like I should do the other two as well.

(All these pictures are taken at a slightly weird angle, but I think they are funny nonetheless). For some reason, all the boys love the top of a tylenol bottle. It was one of each boy's favorite things as a baby. And they are still pretty fond of it. 

Kenan:

Age: 2 years, 5 months

Favorite food: any kind of sauce, cheese, mango, whatever Dawson eats

Favorite activity: playing in the dirt with his cars

Favorite thing to say: “me good!” “You bad!” “see?” anything Dawson says

Favorite person: I think that would be Dawson

He is the sweetest thing. Always has to give Silas kisses, even when he’s trying to feed. He’s a water lover. Drinks it all the time. He loves band aids. Loves having them on his face. Enjoys swimming, though can only do it for a few minutes before the words “I’m ungry” is spoken and he is out to find a snack. He has the metabolism of Brett. No matter how much he eats, he is skinny. He is a happy kid. So sweet. He will do whatever Dawson tells him to do (which most the time is ok). He loves baths, esp “soapy baf” when we use Daddy’s soap to get lots of bubbles. He is potty trained. He did it really quickly. I was really impressed. He’ll even get out of the pool to go pee-pee which I think is pretty amazing. His favorite person to watch on tv is Dora. He still loves his “woa woas” and sleeps with them every night. He often kisses them when he has to leave them in the house since they aren’t allowed outside (“woa woas”are his stuffed dogs- two that are exactly the same. When I sprained my ankle last summer at Brett’s grandparent’s house, we accidently left his doggy there. So I had to buy another one and decided to get two in case we ever lost one again. He found the second one soon after arriving back in Mali and instead of just needing one, he now has to have two). I love his kisses. They are just precious. He is my sweetie. He’ll take care of me when I’m old.   

With the tylenol top and the band aid on his face. This time, it was there a week. We finally pulled it off today with much crying. Not because of the pain, but because he still felt he needed a band aid on his face (again on a place where there was never any blood).

Kenan and his doggies

Dawson:

Age: 4 years 2 months

Answered by D himself (my comments in parenthesis)

Favorite food: tomato (really, I’d say hamburger or mac and cheese)

Favorite person: grandma (probably that’s right on, though he’s pretty fond of Kenan)

Favorite activity: “to watch tv a lot” (you betcha….and playing heroes)

Favorite thing to say: “I am wonderful” (or anything about being a hero)

Dawson is awesome. Awesome Dawson as his granddad used to call him. He is independent and strong willed no doubt, but with age that has gotten better. He can get food out of the fridge and put it in the microwave and heat it up all by himself. He can work a computer and the tv and remote (of course, since this is his favorite activity). He is really starting to swim well at the pool. He has a great imagination. He really is a great big brother to his other brothers. We’re working on memorizing verses for every letter of the alphabet. We haven’t gotten far but he can say “Ask and it will be given to you” “Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved” “Children obey your parents” and “Delight yourself in the Lord.”  He also can say “When I am afraid I will trust in God” which we learned last year when he was having trouble going to sleep at night. He is a funny kid. He keeps us laughing. He is picking up some French and Bambara, little by little. He will be going to a Christian school next year for preschool. His friend, Hannah, is in the class which will be great since she can speak English. We’re hoping that it will be a good experience for him.

 

Silas is 9 months!

My little baby is growing up. Though I often think how nice it will be to be able to eat or drink whatever, whenever I want, I am going to be sad when breastfeeding is over and I no longer have a baby around.

Silas is such a good baby. He’s really a mix of the older two. Definitely not as independent and strong willed like Dawson but not overly clingy like Kenan. He is right in the middle, too, as a sleeper. Not as good as D, but much better than K. So hopefully, when he is two, he won’t be quite as difficult as Dawson was in trying to exert his will. We shall see.

So at 9 months, he is crawling like crazy (I think he’s our best crawler yet). He is trying to pull up on everything. He loves our house guy, Jeremi, more than me. I’m serious- I can’t even get him to come to me when he needs to nurse. He loves the guy…and any black man for that matter. But I guess that’s a good thing. He still has NO teeth. But what can I do about that? He can wave goodbye and say “Dada.” To make sure he is standing on his own and not just following the pattern of his brothers, his favorite thing to play with is balls, NOT cars! His favorite foods at present are avocado, mango and cheese. (Thanks Shannon for mentioning avocado!) He seems to be putting on more weight now, thanks to dry (and hot) season being over and now I have more milk (despite drinking water constantly all day and night before). He’s already had his first taste of fish thanks to his brother eating it and dropping it on the floor. (oops!). Oh and for his 9 month “birthday” he fell off the bed head first onto the tile floor. (Again, oops.) I promise I was on the bed, he was just too fast. I was reaching to get him and over he went. He has also been kissed on the lips by an HIV patient. (and again, another oops!) (see “I’m learning everyday”post for explanation). So he’s had a pretty full life already, not even mentioning the transatlantic travel he has done and living in the fourth poorest country of the world. I love the thought that he will know no different home than this. This is his home, this will be his normal….that’s if he can survive his two older brothers! J

We love our baby Silas!!

Enjoying cheese dip...a lot. He ate more than Brett did.

Watching the older two boys play with daddy.

You know you are in Africa...

When you ride home from work with your husband and 2 year old on the roof rack with your baby in your arms as you drive until you move him to the passenger seat so your 4 year old can take over driving.

When heat rash overtakes your family. It's on all three boys (Kenan the worst) and all over my arms (thanks to holding and feeding Silas). Thankfully, it is getting cooler and is starting to go away...at least a little. 

Several spots of Silas' rash got infected. That's one of the big spots on his back.

The “easy” meal of spaghetti is ruined on two different occasions when you are having 11+ adults over for dinner. The first time- it was a can of tomato paste that was spoiled and ruined the whole pot of spaghetti sauce. Had to sift out the meat, rinse it and try to make it again. (It was really watery but edible). And yesterday- came home from the hospital to find that the sauce looked weird. Asked my house guy and he had put the raw meat in the sauce (because I was using the crock pot, he thought it would cook over time).  So we had to pull it all out and cook it in the stove then retry to make it again. This time it was too thick. But such is life. I didn’t know it was possible to mess up spaghetti sauce like that- two times. And why, I must add, does it have to happen when guests are coming over? Why can’t it be when it’s just our family? And the other annoying thing is that you can’t buy meat during the day, only early in the morning here and then you have to cut it up and grind it. So it’s not like you can say- oops, messed that up, let’s just start completely over, I’ll run to the store and get some more meat and premade sauce while I’m at it. You HAVE to use the meat that is in the sauce. So what do people cook when you are having a lot of people over for dinner? I’m done with spaghetti.

I must say, though, that despite the mishap with the spaghetti sauce, we had a great time last night. The Ellenbergers, who live in Bamako, came down to bring a visiting doctor. They brought their whole family (3 boys- 7^th grader, high schooler, and one who just finished his freshman year in college) and another couple who lives in Bamako. Our boys were THRILLED! We had visited them when we took my mom back to fly out. Their boys played with ours so well. It was sweet to see. Dawson loved Penguin and Joker, as he had named them. As soon as I mentioned they were coming, Dawson got on his Batman outfit, made Kenan put his Superman on, and put his hands on K’s face and said, “Kenan, the  Joker and Penguin are coming. They are good. And mommy, (he pensively looks at me) she is nothing.” He went to his room and made a cave, showed me the secret door and told me I had to tell the boys when they got here where it was. I told them too early, though, because it was about 11 am. I told them the boys would be coming after rest time. Dawson asked if he could have his rest time right then.  J I know our boys had fun last night, but I think it’s fair to say the older boys did too. They were putting on the hero outfits (as best as they could) and playing with the trains and just having a blast. It was so loud in our house that Silas was screaming for quite awhile, and I could never hear it. It just showed me that older boys are just as rambunctious and destructive as the little ones! J Truly, it brought joy to my heart to see them playing with our boys and loving on them even though they were little. Thank you Ellenberger boys!! I want my boys to be like that- not too cool that they can’t play with little kids, but genuinely kind and willing to get on the floor and play with others. 

Breath of God

While I’m posting a ton, I thought I’d post this song that has really spoken to me lately.  

 

Breath of God by Shane and Shane

 

a life you cannot define
a purpose thats benign
they need to see and believe
be led to the rugged tree

the one on which he cried not for his pain but for our debt
the very same tree that He conquered death
it was an unfair deal on the part of Christ
He got my sin, i got eternal life

make me the breath of God
and i'll show them the One that means the most to me
they'll see the face of love
be touched by the very one who died upon the tree

small talk is a better choice
a way to avoid Your voice
i need to feel the dust on my knees
and lead them to the tree

will you follow Me, lead them to the tree
can't you just believe, will you take a knee for eternity 

I think about all the people at the hospital. I don’t want to just take care of the physical and not mention the love of Christ. I want them to know we are here because of Christ and no other reason. I pray that my life reflects his love to others. And to my kids. Man, I get so overwhelmed by the thought of raising my kids to know the Lord. I want to speak of Him at all times to them, bring Him up in every conversation but I don’t. I want them to know He is the best thing in the world, that they could never be satisfied with anything else. I want them to be men of integrity and men of His word. I just pray that I am faithful in my role as a mom. I don’t want them to remember me with a quick temper and one who yells. I want them to have a mother who is patient and kind. Who is gentle and loving in all she does. Just thinking about it makes me feel inadequate. But that’s my prayer. I’m striving to be better each day. Make me the breath of God and i'll show them the One that means the most to me. They'll see the face of love, be touched by the very one who died upon the tree.

On a happier note...

Since the last entries weren't so uplifting, I thought I'd write a few of the boys' quotes that have made me laugh lately. Now I know that kids' quotes are nearly as funny to others as they are to the parents, esp since a lot of what makes them funny is the way they are said, but I want to write these down and remember them for me, so just bear with me when I write out what they say! :)

I was making muffins one morning. Dawson came into the kitchen. He watched me for a minute and said "Are you making pumpkins?" "No, muffins" "Muffins- oh yeah, that's right."

I told Dawson the other day to have patience when he wanted something. He responded "I can't have patience because you have bad patience."

Dawson was showing Silas the other day how to jump from his dresser unto Kenan's bed (no the huge bruise on his leg from before did not stop him). Silas was actually on Kenan's bed and I told him (after I told him not to jump of course) not to hit Silas. Dawson said, “I will kiss him and hug him if I hit him okay?” –pause- “Will I get a spanking?”  Talk about counting the cost- if it only required a kiss and a hug, he could still jump, but if a spanking was to follow, he wouldn’t do it. (I just decided to move Silas so there wasn’t an issue.)

Dawson came up to me randomly and said, “Silas is not a big boy-he has small ears.”

The other day it was raining as Brett went to work, Dawson looked at me and said “Daddy just went to work in the rain without his life jacket.”

This isn’t so funny, but I was just impressed with D’s logic. We were eating egg rolls and Dawson told me not to eat all of them. He then asked me how many had been in the kitchen, I showed him 4 fingers. Then he saw that there were 3 on my plate. So he said, “so there is one left in the kitchen.” Good thinking!

And here’s one for Kenan- not quite as funny, but still cute to hear him try to put it all together. Dawson was picking on him and calling him Baby. He just kept yelling “Me Kenan.” Finally, so upset by Dawson, he comes running to me, and said, “Mommy, Gaga (Dawson) me baby, me Kenan, aww” I assured him he was in fact Kenan and not a baby so with that extra confidence, he ran back to Dawson and said, “Me Kenan.” 

And just tonight Dawson came into the kitchen as Brett was rinsing of the dishes and said, "I CLEANED THE DISHES!...not all of them...that's  hard work."

The sadness continues

It has been a tough week at the hospital. Two babies (the two mentioned before) and two women died over the weekend. Within minutes of each other on Tuesday, 3 babies (two were twins) were born and died (or eventually died). I took it like a wimp. I just cried. And when I really sit and think about it, I just want to cry more. I have to get used to this if I’m going to work at the hospital. One lady delivered two babies (at the same time- I mean literally) but one was dead. The other had severe malformations and had a heartbeat for a couple minutes but that was it. They were just born too early. I don’t think the mom ever even looked at the babies. She kept her eyes closed the whole time.  With the other lady, they decided she needed a c-section, the baby wasn’t dropping and there were a few other issues. Without getting too specific, many other things took place from the time this was decided to the time the baby was actually born. The woman for some reason took to me and wanted me to stay by her side. She was really scared. I just can’t imagine doing that without someone around.  So the baby was finally born but there was a ton of meconium (baby stool) in the uterus. It took a long time for the baby to take his first breath. His lungs are stiff, filled with meconium that he swallowed while in the uterus. It’s just sad. I tried to go with Brett to tell the mom how sick the baby was (that he was going to die) and he just made me leave because I started bawling. It’s just tough. As I was leaving that day (about 2 hrs after the baby was born) I stopped by to see the mom.  She asked me if her baby was a boy or girl. No one had told her. She still hadn’t really seen her baby (though he was beside her in a incubator). I’d be holding my little one if I knew he wasn’t going to make it. Things are just different here. So different. The baby died today. He held on for two days. I was amazed. I asked the mom multiple times today if she wanted to hold her baby because he was really sick. She didn’t want to. And even after he died, she didn’t want to hold him. When I told her he was dead, she just took it. Finally, she started to shed some tears. Trying to make sure I didn’t bawl like last time, I just bit my lip as hard as I could and just let a few tears drop. We prayed with her family, which by the way was strict muslim. The women were completely covered- they even looked through a black veil to see. Since the mom had a c-section, she has to stay in the hospital for a week, even though she doesn’t have a baby. I cannot imagine. My heart breaks just thinking of it, sitting around all these women with their babies, her breast milk trying to come in but she has no baby to feed. Ugh. It just hurts.

1 in 4 children don’t live to the age of five here. 1 in 10 women die because of pregnancy or labor. So many babies die right after birth or are born dead. It’s terrible. The health care here is awful. I believe Mali is ranked the worst place (or right there) to have a baby. It is so true. And even though our hospital is better than most, it still is lacking. We don’t have all the supplies and equipment needed to care for babies/children. Even if we did, our staff just isn’t that great. Again, they are much better than most, but they have a ton to learn. Many mistakes are made. Tons. And often, the mistakes mean a loss of life. You learn by a death and what went wrong rather than just learning from school, or those above you, or even a close call like in the States. It’s hard to watch a baby die period. It’s even harder when you know it’s because of mistakes made at the hospital. The baby who died today was because of medical error. One of the babies and one of the women who died over the weekend were because of errors as well. Now I know that the Lord is sovereign over all things and that He is in control. I also know that even if everything had gone perfectly, these three (and many others) still may have died. But it’s just hard to grapple with when you think it could have been prevented. I look back on the instance with the mom and her baby. I was there from the time they first called for a c-section until we had done all we could with the baby. I wish I could have done something but as the new person, I went with what the others thought was best. Not that I knew what to do, but I wish I had pushed more for the first decision to do a c-section to be done earlier. There were just many mistakes and many miscommunications all around (even among the non-Malian staff). So sad.

In the OR for that mom’s case, Third Day’s “Show me Your Glory” was playing. At some points I thought the Lord would really show his glory and save the baby.  I must admit that on Tuesday, I couldn’t even see his glory in those circumstances. Three babies dying all so quickly. One more baby was born that morning. So it was 1 in 4 that lived after delivery. I guess His glory can be seen in the one life. But I think as I process the whole thing more, I guess maybe His glory is seen as we just love on this mom who has lost her baby. To show her that we love her and care for her. Maybe she’ll understand a little of God’s love for her. Maybe she will come back again for her next child and this one will live. Maybe she’ll come to know Christ as her Lord and Savior. I don’t know.  I just have to trust that He is faithful and He is good.

As I mentioned before, I am working with the women who are diagnosed with HIV. Since I started last week, 3 have been diagnosed. One took it fairly well and told her husband and mother. The other two refuse to tell a soul. I cannot imagine dealing with that all by yourself. Wondering if you gave it to your children, but not telling anyone. They are so concerned others will find out. It stinks because we do not have all the medicines you need to treat them. It is only given to the government hospital and it can give us some, but not enough to treat all those who come. The woman who was diagnosed today had a sad story. She is 17 weeks pregnant and only 23 or so. This is her second pregnancy but she lost the first. She is already married to her second husband because her first "got sick and died." Her first husband only married her because his first wife "got sick and died." So though no one knows for sure (there is no law requiring that you must inform partners of disease like the US) it seems those two both died from HIV. They just passed it from one to another and now on to this lady. We tried to explain that if she takes her meds she can live for a long time and her baby could not even get the disease. I just hope she is willing to go. She is supposed to come back next week and I'll take her to the main hospital to get registered to get her (free) medications.  We'll see if she comes back. The pastor I'm working with is awesome. He has a great heart for these women and tells them that anytime they come for appointments for themselves or their babies to come by his office and they can talk. He is so nice. Yet today, it was weird to hear him tell this women not to cry. (His rationale was that if she cried then people would know something was wrong). But still, not crying after you've just found out you have HIV? I don't know. I couldn't do it. He did encourage her to put her trust in Jesus. I still think it is terrible that the disease is such a shameful thing that you can't tell the spouse. How unfair. You can't even tell them to use protection. So this woman, who most likely got it from her first husband, who most likely got it from his first wife, will probably just give it (if she hasn't already) to her husband now who can then pass it on to his next lady. How can the cycle end if you never tell the partner? And what about all the kids? At least we are able to diagnose and treat the women and hopefully prevent the passage of the disease to the kids. Again, just a tough situation. 

Ok, that's enough of that...happier topics to come. I promise I won't always blog about cases like these.