Happy 6th Birthday, Dawson!

My sweet Dawson is 6 years old today! Hard to believe. He has grown up so much. He knows his days of the week in English and French. He actually has learned a ton of French this year. He can read! He is doing so well in school. His favorite subject is math, just like his parents! He is a fantastic big brother. He looks after them and helps me with them. He is a sweet, sweet kid. He loves to share with others. He is such a joy!

One of the neatest things I have seen in Dawson this year is how his heart for the Lord has grown. I often think of 3 John 1:4: "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." This is true for him. His favorite book to read is the Bible. He can quote many verses. He desires to do good and follow God. His favorite song to listen to on the way to school is "Jesus is the Rock." This boy keeps me on my toes. He knows that "stupid" is a bad word. If he hears us say it, he will come over and tell us what we said. One day he actually told me he needed to know all the bad words so that if I said them, he could tell me! :) I told him he could just make sure I didn't say "stupid." :)

Other quotes from him in the recent weeks:

He has had a cough off and on the last few months. We have been praying that it would go away. One day on the way home from school he said, "I think I figured it out why God hasn't made my cough go away. He does but then I go back to school and those kids cough on me so I get it again. Then He has to heal me again. So they cough on me, and He makes me better, then they cough on me again." He also asked if God could get sick. I said no. He said, "Maybe He could just put his arm out in front of me when the kids cough so I don't get sick." The faith of a child.

He was playing with Kenan outside and said he lied. He looked at me and said, "I think Kenan has a lie in his throat" And a few minutes later, he said, "I wish I had x-ray vision and could see if Kenan was lying or not."

Brett told him this morning, "thanks for living with us for 6 years." Dawson responded, "Thank mommy, she borned me."

Very glad I borned him 6 years ago. Love you, D-man.

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Update: this is his cake from his party in the States, the day after we got into the country. Thanks to our friend Becky for making this awesome cake!

Enjoying gifts with his brothers and friend.

My heroes

They were out fighting crime today....

K may fight on his own now, but he still wants to see what his brother is doing.

just like their expressions and actions in the next few

showing off their skills...

then I realized they were actually in a smiling mood so I made them sit down and take pictures. So happy they were all smiling at the same time.

yes, the picture is basically the same but it is another picture of them all smiling. It has to be posted. :)

St. Patrick's Day

We celebrated St. Patrick's day with green eggs, pancakes and grits for dinner. Yes, the picture includes my indomethacin- also green- which goes along with the meal. :)

This was the green club

Kenan however did not want green eggs or green grits. He wanted red.

He wouldn't eat the grits for awhile because he said they tasted like blood. Finally, though, he started to eat them. Good thing, the last bites tasted like strawberries.

More pictures from Dawson

Here is Jesus on the cross, that's why He is sad.

Here is afterwards off the cross. Now He is happy.

I like the way sweat smells

We have made it to hot season. And as the season is so named, it is hot. We have been dealing with 12 hr power cuts every other day. That adds insult to injury. When the power cuts are at night, that’s even worse. It is also dry during this time of year. Very dry.

The other night the power was out and I was trying to put the kids to bed. We were hovered around a light reading stories. The kids were on me, as they often are when we read, but even more so this night because of the lack of light. I was sweating. This was not a glisten. This was a full fledge sweat dripping down my head, so much I could have swam in it. Dawson looks at me and says, “I wish I could sweat like you do.” I said, “no you don’t, be glad you are like your daddy who doesn’t sweat.” He said, “No, I want to be like you.” “No, you don’t” “Yes I do” and so on for awhile until he added, “I want to be like you because I like the way sweat smells.” Now just think, if we had no hot season or no power outages, we’d never have heard comments like that.

Other ways we know it is hot season:

Kenan’s bed in the morning is completely soaked like you poured a bucket of water on it.

Heat rash. On the neck. On the bum bum. (boys, not me, just in case you were wondering).

Boiling hot water out of the sink in the middle of the day even though we don’t even have a hot water faucet in our kitchen.

Our hot water tank actually heats up, even without turning it on.

The only reason I want to exercise is so I can take a shower afterwards.

Lots of trips to the pool.

Cranky boys who haven’t slept because of the heat. And if I’m honest, cranky parents too.

The season of perpetual yelling without understanding because so many fans are on and you honestly can’t hear the person in the next room or the one sitting beside you for that matter.

Mangoes. Beautiful mangoes, they just aren’t quite in season yet, but they are coming! Strawberries also come in season so we get to eat a few kilos of those.

Smoothies.

Everyone sweating and moving as slow as snails. Who can sleep when it is this hot?

Enjoying everyone sweating with me. The rest of the year it is just me.

No need to melt butter for cooking. Sit it on the counter for ten minutes and it is done.

You can melt chocolate too. Take it out of the freezer and an hour later it is completely melted.

Advantages to no power- less tv and more play. I play with the boys more too because I can’t do anything else which is a good thing.

Boys only wearing their underwear all day. Oh wait…that’s all year round. Never mind. Actually had a visitor here for 6 weeks whose child stayed at our house in the mornings. He commented every time he saw Silas in clothes. Both times.

More flies. But at least they are sluggish too so they are easy to kill.

Less mosquitoes.

You can boil water in a minute.

Drinking 5 liters a day is normal, if not too little.

I can give the boys as much water as they want at night without fear of them wetting the bed…at least from pee.

If we leave Silas’ milk cup out for over an hour, the milk curdles. The milk curdles in the fridge as well when the power is out all day. And it's not fresh milk, it is milk powder.

You eat less. Too hot to eat much.

No power keeps me out of the freezer so I can’t get a bite of chocolate or get the chips for cookies.

If you spill something, there is no need to clean it up. It will be dry the next time you walk by.

I have more compassion for Malians. They have no power ever.

Start Again

I'm really loving this song lately. Speaks to where I am at the moment.

Start Again by Caedmon's Call

I have a constant need for motion

I need to leave the past behind

To see all the good things I left dying come to life

So long I let the lies deceive me and I let them take their toll

I’m growing tired of the illusion I’m in control

Cause you are there in all my histories, my victories and pains

You are there in all my shadows, with forgiveness you are waiting

When I need a place to hide, when I need a place to hide

I need hope to start again

I need hope to start again

You give me hope, I need hope to start again

Into my own hands I take matters

Cause deep in my heart I stole the throne

Where you have always led so faithfully I know

Doesn’t it seem I’m always running

Most of the time it’s not to you

Give me faith to know your promises are true

Cause you are there in all my histories, my victories and pains

You are there in all my shadows, with forgiveness you are waiting

When I need a place to hide, when I need a place to hide,

I need hope to start again

I need hope to start again

You give me hope, I need hope to start again

Here is the place where I face my secrets

Where I lay them down

When I need a place to hide, I when I need a place to hide

When I need a place to hide

I need hope to start again, I need hope to start again

You give me hope, I need hope to start again.

First Alou, and now Kadia

picture by Sara Donaldson

So Alou went home last Sunday. Kadia got to go home for two weeks since she was doing well. She came in on Thursday almost dead. They had been in a accident on the way into town and she had hit her head. She was comatose, unable to speak or focus on anything. Also had incontinence. However, we found out she had been like this since the night before (why didn't they come in earlier??). We checked a CBC on her and her hematocrit was 8 (usually 35-45%). We gave her a blood transfusion and she started doing better. The next day we did a bone marrow aspiration. Though with chemo we've basically wiped out her bone marrow, the cells that are left are the cancer cells. So she has failed induction as well. We are still trying to figure out what to do- whether we send her home or continue treatment. We are working with Brett's friend Alan to see if there is something else we can do. Pray for Kadia that the Lord would heal her. Pray for us to know what to do. Pray for Francois, our other cancer patient, whom we will be doing a bone marrow aspiration on next week to see if he has gone into remission. Pray for me, it was hard enough sending one child home to die. I am not ready to send another. We got another girl this week with a really tough cancer. I told Brett I would treat her only if I didn't learn her name. :) Unfortunately, I have learned it and Nata has captured my heart a little. Still I'm trying to not get attached since her prognosis is very poor.

Mali Ink

We had a tattoo session today. It was just the older two. Silas kept insisting it would hurt and wouldn't do it.

Here's Kenan showing off his muscles and new tattoos.

And the D man

They may be rough and tough tatted up, but they are still sweet. Here's the bracelet Kenan made for me, completely on his own and unprompted, for know other reason than to be sweet. Love that little guy.

My ramblings

I was reading a friend's blog the other day who lives in Japan. She has two little boys and a girl on the way. She was talking about the frustrations she was feeling. I ended up writing her some of my thoughts and since I've been thinking a lot about these things I thought I'd post them.

One thing I have learned as a
mom, especially one that lives overseas, is that I have to give grace.
Give grace to everyone, but most importantly, to yourself. I put way
too much expectation on myself and what I want my family to look like.
Maybe if I were in the perfect world, I could
achieve this (though I doubt it) but with little kids overseas it is just impossible.
There are too many variables that you cannot control. You have to give
grace. So what if I wanted my kids to watch only a little tv- I'm in a
third world country with nowhere to go except a pool (but how many
times can you go to the pool?) they don't have friends who speak
English (except Hannah but somehow we don't get to see her enough), my husband is working often until 7 pm. They are going to
watch tv. And a lot of it. Though some consider tv bad for kids, it
isn't harmful to them and they actually learn as well! They can still
grow up and be respectful God-fearing men even with a hefty amount of
tv under their belt. As long as it is pure and good shows I don't see
anything Biblically wrong with tv. I would also argue that at some
points, when I'm at my wits end, it is better for them to watch tv and
let me take a moment rather than me yelling at them like a crazy
person. Not to just be an advocate for tv, I'm saying that in many
areas, there is grace to be had. I want my kids at the table for meals
but trying to keep three boys 5 and under (but we are talking since it
was 3 and under) at a table while Brett is still at work is crazy. And
for dinner, I just don't push it. Again, does sitting at a table make
them better men? I don't think so. So I've learned to let go. Same for my house. I want
it clean. I want everything in order but it just isn't happening.
There is lots of life going on here and it shows. Do I want my kids to
learn responsibility and cleanliness, of course. But does that mean my
house has to be spotless? Nope. I must give myself grace.

Three kids under five is tough and though I'm still
in the thick of it, I am finally starting to see the light at the end
of the tunnel. Things are getting easier. They all
are playing together. Two of the three can do most things for
themselves. No more diapers. It is getting easier. Last year or so I
hung up Ecc 3 on my wall. There is a time for everything and a season
for every activity. This season is a season of little kids. But it is
just a season. I want to be out talking with my neighbors and
practicing language but after a morning at the hospital the rest of
the time is for my kids. Most days I'm ok with this. I do have to
remind myself that I can't be like others who are single or childless.
They have more freedom. My highest calling is to my family. I have to
embrace that.

Added to just the season of small kids, you have a third culture to
deal with. That adds so much more than I think we often acknowledge.
Even if the culture itself is ok, you are still living apart from
family and those who could step in and offer a hand. You don't have
all the things in the US that would make life easier. You can just go
to your neighbor and have a cup of coffee without difficulties. It's
hard. Recently I've been struggling a lot with this. Just feeling like
a failure in all things. As my role of a mom. In my language ability.
In my work at the hospital. I just feel like I'm always failing and
not doing what I want. I've been reminded of several things and the
Lord has been giving me grace in it all. 1- This is not a race. I
don't have to have my life all together at this moment. If it were
perfect, what need would I have of a Savior and heaven? This is a journey
toward sanctification, a journey toward language acquisition, a
journey toward medical proficiency. It's a journey, not a race. I
don't need to be perfect today.
2-As we all know, it is in our weakness that He is strong. Why do I
then look at my weakness and failures as a bad thing? This is when
Christ is perfected in me, when His glory shines brighter. I need to
embrace this and not seek to have it all together.

Verses that have been an encouragement to me in this time are Hosea
6:3 "So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD. His going forth
is as certain as the dawn; And He will come to us like the rain, Like
the spring rain watering the earth." Maybe because we are in dry and
hot season here in Mali, but the spring rain just sounds so amazing.
So refreshing. So uplifting. This comes just after the verses that
say He has torn us to pieces but He will restore us. He will bandage
our wounds. Like a hard rain on the dry soil which cannot take it all
in, He will come and replenish us to overflowing. He will restore us. I just find
that beautiful.

Another verse is Joshua 1:8-9 "Do not let this Book of the Law depart
from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be
careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous
and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.
Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will
be with you wherever you go.”
So I need to be in His word so that I can be successful- not
successful in my eyes by what I think I should do or what my family should look like, but successful in
His eyes because of my attitude and my desire to serve Him and my
family. I also loved the "do not be discouraged" I guess because I have been discouraged lately. He is with me. He has called me here even
though He knew my language abilities were poor and I would have small
kids here. He knew this. He knew I would be over my head. But He
called me here knowing full well that He was going to stay right there
beside me. He is walking this road with me. I need not be discouraged.

I would like to say that these lessons have permeated my brain
completely and I don't struggle with this but it's just not the case.
I am right in the thick of it. Fighting everyday to not give over to
discouragement. But the Lord is faithful. He is good.

Hosea by Shane and Shane

Come let us return
He has torn us into pieces
He has injured us
Come let us return to the Lord
He will heal us
He will bandage our wounds
In just a short time He'll restore us
In just a short time He'll restore His church
So we might live
We might live in His presence
In His presence
Oh that we might know the Lord
Oh that we might know the Lord
Oh that we might know the Lord
Let us press on to know Him
Let us press hard into Him
Then as surely as the coming of the dawn
He will respond

Our sweet Alou

I just said goodbye to Alou. He has been with us since December and I have worked with him everyday I've been at the hospital since. Tomorrow he leaves to go home. This should be a happy moment because he is getting to leave the hospital. Instead, it is sad. He is going home to die. The treatments have not cured his cancer. Though his spleen did decrease in size, the cancer was too much for him and we were advised by Brett's pediatric oncologist friend, Alan, to stop treatment. I know it is unrealistic to think that we can save all kids, especially those with cancer, here in Mali but nonetheless it hurts.

Here he is riding a car around the pediatric building.

Then they moved on to the real cars. They would often ask "mobili boli" which means to drive the car. This is the three cancer kids we have. Alou, Kadia and Francois.

Alou taking a turn driving. I decided that this was his "Make A Wish" dream so we started driving the car everyday. I also used the golf cart that is at the hospital which was a lot of fun as well.

He started having tons of sores in his mouth, which is when we really decided that treatment wasn't going to help. He has lost several pounds since his arrival. Regardless, he is still a cutie.

This is his whole family.

And since this is a sad post, I thought I'd end on a happier note. This is Francois. He is 3 1/2 weeks into treatment and responding well. We are hopeful for a full recovery. This kid is precious. The picture doesn't do him justice.

Here I am with the kiddos about to go out for a ride. The fourth kid behind Kadia is Boaz who has been at the hospital several months for a wound on his leg.

As much as it hurts, I am thankful for sweet Alou and the opportunity to spend the last couple months with him. He has such a sweet spirit and was very playful when he felt well. We will miss him. Please pray for his family as they take him home and watch him die. Pray that through this sad time and the time spent at the hospital that they would come to know our Savior and find peace in Him.

just my boys

Just a couple of pictures I wanted to add...

I love this because it is just so Silas. He is always so intense and out to get someone....and he is wearing pig tails because Lydia was over and was wearing pig tails and he wanted them too. He does the same when Shelby Grace as well.

and then the boys just being silly with their popcorn bowls.

100th day of school

Last week Dawson got to celebrate the 100th day of school. He was quite excited. He woke up singing and dancing to his own made up song about the 100th day. He then climbed into Kenan's bed so that his animals could tell K's dogs that it was the 100th day of school. We even celebrated with sprinkles on his toast (and Kenan got them too on his fru frus).

Here he is pointing out the 100th day wearing his shirt that he and Mrs. Julie made.

making the shirt

the 100th day wouldn't be complete without reading the book about the 100th day

they counted out 100 m &ms and 100 chocolate chips for their cookies.

they also made a 100 centimeter snake.

I know it was just a day, but he had a blast! Thank you Mr. Brian and Mrs. Julie for making school so much fun! (and thanks for the pictures, too!)