Life is Good

This post kind of goes along with the last one but I felt like it just had to be its own. I have been thinking lately how blessed we are here. Life is good. Though we’ve been through some challenges here and would say we have walked through the hardest two years of our lives here in Mali, we are doing well. I feel like the verse in 2 Corinthians 4, We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed." Or as it is written in the Message, "We’ve been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we’re not demoralized; we’re not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we’ve been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn’t left our side; we’ve been thrown down, but we haven’t broken. “ Praise be to God. And though I feel slightly uneasy to say we are doing well for fear what might come next, I am at the same time glad to say it. We are settled in here as a family and content. Dawson goes to school and seems to enjoy it. Though he was giving me a hard time getting ready and into the car in the mornings, he now is better (probably because I found out Brett told him I would send him in a cab with Jeremie if he didn’t shape up). J Kenan does well playing at home and Silas of course is happy with seeing his favorite friend each day. I enjoy working at the hospital in the mornings. It’s the perfect amount of time. I can “do something” with my mind in the mornings but still have time for the boys each day. Life is good. The boys sleep well most nights. We have power most nights. We are good. And though we don’t have a dryer, I now have a room to hang up clothes. We have a bathtub now! No dishwasher or vacuum , but I have Jeremie who helps around the house and washes dishes and cleans…and cooks. What a guy! We don’t live in a neighborhood with all our friends nearby, but we do have sweet friends here. We are so blessed to have the Diarras around. Alison is a dear friend to me and Dawson loves Hannah. She is a blessing to have at school so she can help him understand because as Dawson says, “she can speak like us and them.” J We have a pool which is awesome. It provides a place to go and relax. We have an unfinished hospital where the boys love to play. Sure it isn’t a playground, but they couldn’t think it was more fun. They love playing up there. It’s actually hard for me to get them to go to the pool instead. They love playing at daddy’s work. We have three wonderful boys who play together. Even Silas is starting to play with them. It’s sweet. Life is good. I am so thankful. I’ve always known this is where we were to be. I’ve always had that peace. I just feel like now we are truly content and happy. I feel like we’ve been content where we are for awhile but the happiness is a relatively newer thing, if that makes sense. As I look back on the past two years, I would say most of our problems haven’t had to do with Mali or Malians, but they just get caught in the crossfire. But we do enjoy them now. Sure it is hot, but we have A/C in our bedrooms for the night to help us sleep. What a blessing. And though our family and friends are far away, we have email and facebook and skype. I actually haven’t physically met my niece or my two cousins’ kids who were born right around the time of Silas, yet I feel like I know them well. When family has been sick, even though I haven’t been able to be there, I’ve been able to talk to them. I will always remember the times I got to talk to my grandfather while here and telling him that I would see him when I got back to the States (and praise the Lord, we arrived just a couple weeks before he passed away). So we can be with family even if we aren’t really with them. Missionaries today have it so easy compared to the past. Only getting letters from home every few months- and as people say whatever was in the letter wasn’t even relevant by the time the family got the letter. Often no electricity. Definitely no AC. No real communication with family and what was going on in America. We are so blessed. So blessed. This is easy. We don’t miss much of the things in America. Sure there’s no Pizza Hut or Papa Johns- but the homemade pizza is pretty good. No Taco Bell, but we have hard taco shells now and soft ones when they are made. No Breyers but homemade ice cream hits the spot. But of course, they are things that can’t be replaced. Like fall. I miss this time of year. Going to football games (which I only did a few times when I had the chance in college, but now really miss that), pumpkin patches, trick-or treating, the leaves changing colors. And of course, all these things with family and friends as that is what makes them special. But still, we are grateful for where we are and the memories of all those things back home.

I feel like part of this whole contentment/happiness thing comes from me just being more ok with who I am. I almost feel like I’ve had a coming of age in the last year or so. You’d think this would have happened before now, or at least I thought I’d know who I was by now, but I guess I’m slow. I’ve just been learning more of who I am, who the Lord has created me to be, and learning to be content with that. I am 28. I am a wife. I have three boys. I live in Mali. I’m a nurse practitioner. I’m married to a pediatrician who is trying to open a peds hospital for an area of over 120,000 people, for which he is the only pediatrician. These things shape me and cause certain things to proceed…

I am a mother. Of boys. I am learning that this is my highest and most important calling, aside from loving the Lord and my husband. This is the role that can show me my sin and areas of growth more than any other. I get to see my sin in myself but also in my kids and pray it doesn’t take root in them. I want my boys to know the Lord more than anything else. I want them to never know life without Him. I want them to know scripture. But since there is no Sunday school or any lessons they hear about the Lord outside of our home, this falls on me. I want to be better about talking about the Lord with them at all times, about anything. I want to be better at teaching Dawson scripture (we are only through G of the alphabet verses). Little by little, we will get there. Another reality is that Brett works a lot, so often I am with the boys alone. This means my house is often messier than I like it. There are often toys all around. Many things are often broken by the boys. There are three boys- they are a little wild at times. Lots of energy floating around. They are often covered in dirt. Though I want to eat all our meals at the table, this doesn’t happen. My goal is just lunch time at the table with the boys (Brett is never home for lunch though I have house help then). I don’t even try at dinner most days. My boys don’t get baths each day like I would like. They don’t wear clothes. I’m happy to have them in their underwear (though I plan to start getting Dawson in shorts as well even around the house). I am trying to get more order in life now, so I do make the boys pick up their toys after room time and one other time of day. I don’t really cook dinner. We have our big meal at lunch and we eat leftovers or something easy at dinner. My boys watch more tv than I like, though it is starting to improve. So these are some of the things that have taken a lot of time to get used to, but I’m ok with them now. This isn’t how it is always going to be, but this is how it is now. Also, I am not crafty and creative. I don’t sit down and create things with the boys. But even when I do try, they aren’t interested. I am glad I have house help. I am so glad. I am thankful I can use them throughout the day. I thankful I can take them on trips like I did for our field forum and we always had another hand around to help. I used to feel like because I used help, I wasn’t a real mother. Or just weak and couldn’t do it by myself. Maybe I could do it by myself, but there is a lot more joy and peace when there is help around. And no, I won’t use a nanny forever or take people on trips to help us with the kids, but it is nice that it is possible right now. This is huge for me to say I am ok with this. This doesn’t make me less of a mom, if anything, it makes me a better mom. No I wouldn’t have this if I was in the States, but if I was in the states and planned to stay there, we probably wouldn’t have had kids so close together (or at least we wouldn’t have tried to). We would have spaced out, but we wanted our kids to be close and have each other. That calls for a little craziness for a few years, esp here where you don’t have the places to go and friends to meet up with and just say you’re having a crazy day. You can’t just run out to Starbucks for a drink or go to Barnes and Noble and sit talking with a friend while your kids play with the trains. Thus, it is nice to have someone around to help.

I am a missionary. I want to be involved with the people. I want to know the language. I want to be a part of the people’s lives. I don’t want to live in my own bubble. I want my kids to be a part of the culture as well. So that means, I work. Dawson goes to school. We have a nanny in the mornings to watch the younger two. I’ve finally learned that this doesn’t make me a bad mother. Just different. I love my boys with all my heart but I don’t want to home school. I want my boys first and foremost to know the Lord and His love for them. I also want them to know that the people we live beside are lost and in need of a Savior. I want my kids to grow up seeing this as their ministry just as it is ours. I want them to be a part of the work here. I want them to be able to translate for visitors when needed, thus, they need to learn the language. I find that highly important.

I am not a prissy girl. Never have been. I never thought this would be a struggle I dealt with here. Never thought I’d have to worry about looking nice and having stylish clothes and a nice house but this actually has been big for me. It wasn’t as much of an issue when I was in the States because I thought I was going to Africa and wouldn’t have these things so it wouldn’t be an issue. But in reality, you can be stylish here, people bring tons of stuff over. Your house can look very cozy and well put together. This is the first time I’ve had a house that we planned to stay in for a long time. Little by little it is getting homier, though it will never be like others. That’s ok. And even if I want in my mind to be cute and wear makeup or whatever, it just isn’t me. I’d rather be comfortable. That’s what will win out in the end. That’s who I am. I am also not good at hosting. I like people to come over, but it stresses me out when it’s a group. It isn’t easy for me. I like people to feel comfortable in my home and let it be theirs but I’m just not a good host. I have seen the gifts the Lord has given to other wives here. They are hosts. They are good at it. Really good at it. And though I used to beat myself up that I wasn’t like that, I’ve just learned to appreciate their gifts and let that be. That’s not my gift and that’s ok. I can just thank the Lord more for them because they have a ministry that I don’t. We are all needed. I don’t need to be like everyone else.

Enough confessions. That’s it. Truly, though, I am thankful for what the Lord has done and how He has taught me and grown me. I am thankful to be here in Mali. I am thankful to be learning who He has created me to be.