One thing I have learned as a
mom, especially one that lives overseas, is that I have to give grace.
Give grace to everyone, but most importantly, to yourself. I put way
too much expectation on myself and what I want my family to look like.
Maybe if I were in the perfect world, I could
achieve this (though I doubt it) but with little kids overseas it is just impossible.
There are too many variables that you cannot control. You have to give
grace. So what if I wanted my kids to watch only a little tv- I'm in a
third world country with nowhere to go except a pool (but how many
times can you go to the pool?) they don't have friends who speak
English (except Hannah but somehow we don't get to see her enough), my husband is working often until 7 pm. They are going to
watch tv. And a lot of it. Though some consider tv bad for kids, it
isn't harmful to them and they actually learn as well! They can still
grow up and be respectful God-fearing men even with a hefty amount of
tv under their belt. As long as it is pure and good shows I don't see
anything Biblically wrong with tv. I would also argue that at some
points, when I'm at my wits end, it is better for them to watch tv and
let me take a moment rather than me yelling at them like a crazy
person. Not to just be an advocate for tv, I'm saying that in many
areas, there is grace to be had. I want my kids at the table for meals
but trying to keep three boys 5 and under (but we are talking since it
was 3 and under) at a table while Brett is still at work is crazy. And
for dinner, I just don't push it. Again, does sitting at a table make
them better men? I don't think so. So I've learned to let go. Same for my house. I want
it clean. I want everything in order but it just isn't happening.
There is lots of life going on here and it shows. Do I want my kids to
learn responsibility and cleanliness, of course. But does that mean my
house has to be spotless? Nope. I must give myself grace.
Three kids under five is tough and though I'm still
in the thick of it, I am finally starting to see the light at the end
of the tunnel. Things are getting easier. They all
are playing together. Two of the three can do most things for
themselves. No more diapers. It is getting easier. Last year or so I
hung up Ecc 3 on my wall. There is a time for everything and a season
for every activity. This season is a season of little kids. But it is
just a season. I want to be out talking with my neighbors and
practicing language but after a morning at the hospital the rest of
the time is for my kids. Most days I'm ok with this. I do have to
remind myself that I can't be like others who are single or childless.
They have more freedom. My highest calling is to my family. I have to
embrace that.
Added to just the season of small kids, you have a third culture to
deal with. That adds so much more than I think we often acknowledge.
Even if the culture itself is ok, you are still living apart from
family and those who could step in and offer a hand. You don't have
all the things in the US that would make life easier. You can just go
to your neighbor and have a cup of coffee without difficulties. It's
hard. Recently I've been struggling a lot with this. Just feeling like
a failure in all things. As my role of a mom. In my language ability.
In my work at the hospital. I just feel like I'm always failing and
not doing what I want. I've been reminded of several things and the
Lord has been giving me grace in it all. 1- This is not a race. I
don't have to have my life all together at this moment. If it were
perfect, what need would I have of a Savior and heaven? This is a journey
toward sanctification, a journey toward language acquisition, a
journey toward medical proficiency. It's a journey, not a race. I
don't need to be perfect today.
2-As we all know, it is in our weakness that He is strong. Why do I
then look at my weakness and failures as a bad thing? This is when
Christ is perfected in me, when His glory shines brighter. I need to
embrace this and not seek to have it all together.
mom, especially one that lives overseas, is that I have to give grace.
Give grace to everyone, but most importantly, to yourself. I put way
too much expectation on myself and what I want my family to look like.
Maybe if I were in the perfect world, I could
achieve this (though I doubt it) but with little kids overseas it is just impossible.
There are too many variables that you cannot control. You have to give
grace. So what if I wanted my kids to watch only a little tv- I'm in a
third world country with nowhere to go except a pool (but how many
times can you go to the pool?) they don't have friends who speak
English (except Hannah but somehow we don't get to see her enough), my husband is working often until 7 pm. They are going to
watch tv. And a lot of it. Though some consider tv bad for kids, it
isn't harmful to them and they actually learn as well! They can still
grow up and be respectful God-fearing men even with a hefty amount of
tv under their belt. As long as it is pure and good shows I don't see
anything Biblically wrong with tv. I would also argue that at some
points, when I'm at my wits end, it is better for them to watch tv and
let me take a moment rather than me yelling at them like a crazy
person. Not to just be an advocate for tv, I'm saying that in many
areas, there is grace to be had. I want my kids at the table for meals
but trying to keep three boys 5 and under (but we are talking since it
was 3 and under) at a table while Brett is still at work is crazy. And
for dinner, I just don't push it. Again, does sitting at a table make
them better men? I don't think so. So I've learned to let go. Same for my house. I want
it clean. I want everything in order but it just isn't happening.
There is lots of life going on here and it shows. Do I want my kids to
learn responsibility and cleanliness, of course. But does that mean my
house has to be spotless? Nope. I must give myself grace.
Three kids under five is tough and though I'm still
in the thick of it, I am finally starting to see the light at the end
of the tunnel. Things are getting easier. They all
are playing together. Two of the three can do most things for
themselves. No more diapers. It is getting easier. Last year or so I
hung up Ecc 3 on my wall. There is a time for everything and a season
for every activity. This season is a season of little kids. But it is
just a season. I want to be out talking with my neighbors and
practicing language but after a morning at the hospital the rest of
the time is for my kids. Most days I'm ok with this. I do have to
remind myself that I can't be like others who are single or childless.
They have more freedom. My highest calling is to my family. I have to
embrace that.
Added to just the season of small kids, you have a third culture to
deal with. That adds so much more than I think we often acknowledge.
Even if the culture itself is ok, you are still living apart from
family and those who could step in and offer a hand. You don't have
all the things in the US that would make life easier. You can just go
to your neighbor and have a cup of coffee without difficulties. It's
hard. Recently I've been struggling a lot with this. Just feeling like
a failure in all things. As my role of a mom. In my language ability.
In my work at the hospital. I just feel like I'm always failing and
not doing what I want. I've been reminded of several things and the
Lord has been giving me grace in it all. 1- This is not a race. I
don't have to have my life all together at this moment. If it were
perfect, what need would I have of a Savior and heaven? This is a journey
toward sanctification, a journey toward language acquisition, a
journey toward medical proficiency. It's a journey, not a race. I
don't need to be perfect today.
2-As we all know, it is in our weakness that He is strong. Why do I
then look at my weakness and failures as a bad thing? This is when
Christ is perfected in me, when His glory shines brighter. I need to
embrace this and not seek to have it all together.
Verses that have been an encouragement to me in this time are Hosea
6:3 "So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD. His going forth
is as certain as the dawn; And He will come to us like the rain, Like
the spring rain watering the earth." Maybe because we are in dry and
hot season here in Mali, but the spring rain just sounds so amazing.
So refreshing. So uplifting. This comes just after the verses that
say He has torn us to pieces but He will restore us. He will bandage
our wounds. Like a hard rain on the dry soil which cannot take it all
in, He will come and replenish us to overflowing. He will restore us. I just find
that beautiful.
Another verse is Joshua 1:8-9 "Do not let this Book of the Law depart
from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be
careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous
and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.
Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will
be with you wherever you go.”
So I need to be in His word so that I can be successful- not
successful in my eyes by what I think I should do or what my family should look like, but successful in
His eyes because of my attitude and my desire to serve Him and my
family. I also loved the "do not be discouraged" I guess because I have been discouraged lately. He is with me. He has called me here even
though He knew my language abilities were poor and I would have small
kids here. He knew this. He knew I would be over my head. But He
called me here knowing full well that He was going to stay right there
beside me. He is walking this road with me. I need not be discouraged.
I would like to say that these lessons have permeated my brain
completely and I don't struggle with this but it's just not the case.
I am right in the thick of it. Fighting everyday to not give over to
discouragement. But the Lord is faithful. He is good.
Hosea by Shane and Shane
Come let us return
He has torn us into pieces
He has injured us
Come let us return to the Lord
He will heal us
He will bandage our wounds
In just a short time He'll restore us
In just a short time He'll restore His church
So we might live
We might live in His presence
In His presence
Oh that we might know the Lord
Oh that we might know the Lord
Oh that we might know the Lord
Let us press on to know Him
Let us press hard into Him
Then as surely as the coming of the dawn
He will respond
He has torn us into pieces
He has injured us
Come let us return to the Lord
He will heal us
He will bandage our wounds
In just a short time He'll restore us
In just a short time He'll restore His church
So we might live
We might live in His presence
In His presence
Oh that we might know the Lord
Oh that we might know the Lord
Oh that we might know the Lord
Let us press on to know Him
Let us press hard into Him
Then as surely as the coming of the dawn
He will respond
You've learned so much and have become so wise. Love you.
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