I've got a lot to learn.

Girls come around to everyone’s home and sell different vegetables and fruits. It is a known thing that those who sell can be asked by any man to come to their house and “give them their fruit.” He either buys the all the fruit she has or just gives her the money for all the fruit and lets her keep it. These are young girls that start in this life style. So this one girl kept coming to our house. I liked her so I told her that if she came to the house, I’d buy something. I thought maybe this would keep her from having to sell herself. This was stupid. Instead she just kept coming everyday expecting me to buy something. It was way too much. You can only buy so many green beans. So I then told her she needed to just come once a week. She does that, but she also shows up at the hospital. She is not happy if I don’t buy a lot. Then yesterday, she just walks right in our gate into our yard to try to sell stuff. She’s just getting too comfortable. I’ve had to tell her if she ever comes into our yard again without me or our house guy opening the gate, then I will never buy from her again. I just feel like I screwed up. Never make a friend with a little girl selling fruit. It just becomes too much. Now I know. Just wish I could get rid of her now. But here’s another story where I really have more to learn…

As I mentioned before, I am working with HIV patients at the hospital. I really do like it- it’s a way we can love the “least of these.” But I must be honest.  I have a hard time loving them. I am one who tends to fear, which I really hate and am claiming that the Lord will deliver me from all my fears (Psalm 34:4). But still, they remain. So though I want to be overly loving and kind to these women, I also want to wash my hands as soon as I am done. I mean, I’m all for standard precautions (like wearing gloves and so forth) for all patients, but I want to triple glove if I could. I always check every mom before I help with the the receiving of the newborn to see if they are HIV positive or not. It’s not out of being cautious. It’s out of fear. I recognize this and am working on it. So I had a lady come back for her second visit yesterday. (We have them come back a week after initially telling them to see if they went to the government hospital to get medicines and see how they are doing). She’s the first one to come back. She was the first one to take the news well. But really, she took it too well. So she came back yesterday and was all excited to see me. She kept calling me her “terimuso” friend. We were joking because we are “cousins” here with our Malian names. (She is Fulani and I am a blacksmith-it’s just this thing they do here, it’s really kept the country peaceful because when a dispute starts, the cousins defend each other to other people but they also always make fun of each other. ) So I was happy- she had come back for her appointment, was accepting of her disease, willing to get treatment, kept saying that we did a good job here, that the people were very caring, etc. And trying to reach out and love her, I was trying to engage her. She told me that she knew where I lived and she was going to come to my house to talk some. I was sort of ok with this- but again, I was trying to be loving so I went along with it. Well, on the way home, they turned down our street and I was right behind them. I stopped to wait for Jeremi to open the gate. She hopped off her moto and ran to me. I continued to talk to her because, well, she already knew where I lived and again, I was trying to be nice. Jeremi had Silas so she asked if that was my kid, I said yes. She said she wanted to look at him. But “looking” here at a baby means holding a baby. So I pulled the car into the garage and as I was getting out of the car, she KISSED Silas on the LIPS!! I thought I was going to die. But again, trying to be nice, I just took Silas from her and didn’t say anything. Now I know full well that you CANNOT pass HIV through saliva, esp with such a little kiss as it was (I’m not totally sure that their lips fully touched). But still? Who goes around kissing someone else’s kid- esp when the mom of that kid just told you that you have HIV??? So after talking to Brett, he is sure she has mental issues. She just takes her diagnosis too well, wants too much to be our friend, is too easily appeased, and is just a little strange. It is not normal to go around kissing another person’s baby on the lips. So I’m frustrated at myself that I even got in that situation. That I am such a poor judge of character that I don’t recognize when something isn’t right. Or maybe I just don’t want to really think about it. Brett has an incredible ability to percieve a situation or person very quickly. He sees something that is abnormal and he thinks about why it is that way. I often just assume that they are just really nice or just happy for some reason. It’s like a time we went out for dessert when we lived in Charleston (to eat a fruit basket- which is heavenly- a brittle basket filled with ice cream and various fruit, topped with whip cream and chocolate syrup. So good, but anyway) and we were sitting beside this couple. The guy was very talkative and friendly. He talked to us throughout the meal. As we left I said to Brett and my friend who was with us, “He was really nice.” They both immediately said, “He was drunk.” Oh that’s what it was. I feel the same way this time. Totally unaware of the reality of the situation which lead my baby to be kissed by a random HIV + person. It’s one of those things where I must live and learn and just trust the Lord that He is watching over our kids and He is in control. It is only by the grace of God that the boys are alive and healthy. Not by my parenting that’s for sure (like the time I found dawson standing over a well here that he had pushed the cover off with his feet looking for the bucket. The image still scares me- he was standing over a well which was hundreds of feet deep and very skinny. Thank you ,Jesus ,that you are my children’s protector!) I really have a lot to learn!