It has been a tough week at the hospital. Two babies (the two mentioned before) and two women died over the weekend. Within minutes of each other on Tuesday, 3 babies (two were twins) were born and died (or eventually died). I took it like a wimp. I just cried. And when I really sit and think about it, I just want to cry more. I have to get used to this if I’m going to work at the hospital. One lady delivered two babies (at the same time- I mean literally) but one was dead. The other had severe malformations and had a heartbeat for a couple minutes but that was it. They were just born too early. I don’t think the mom ever even looked at the babies. She kept her eyes closed the whole time. With the other lady, they decided she needed a c-section, the baby wasn’t dropping and there were a few other issues. Without getting too specific, many other things took place from the time this was decided to the time the baby was actually born. The woman for some reason took to me and wanted me to stay by her side. She was really scared. I just can’t imagine doing that without someone around. So the baby was finally born but there was a ton of meconium (baby stool) in the uterus. It took a long time for the baby to take his first breath. His lungs are stiff, filled with meconium that he swallowed while in the uterus. It’s just sad. I tried to go with Brett to tell the mom how sick the baby was (that he was going to die) and he just made me leave because I started bawling. It’s just tough. As I was leaving that day (about 2 hrs after the baby was born) I stopped by to see the mom. She asked me if her baby was a boy or girl. No one had told her. She still hadn’t really seen her baby (though he was beside her in a incubator). I’d be holding my little one if I knew he wasn’t going to make it. Things are just different here. So different. The baby died today. He held on for two days. I was amazed. I asked the mom multiple times today if she wanted to hold her baby because he was really sick. She didn’t want to. And even after he died, she didn’t want to hold him. When I told her he was dead, she just took it. Finally, she started to shed some tears. Trying to make sure I didn’t bawl like last time, I just bit my lip as hard as I could and just let a few tears drop. We prayed with her family, which by the way was strict muslim. The women were completely covered- they even looked through a black veil to see. Since the mom had a c-section, she has to stay in the hospital for a week, even though she doesn’t have a baby. I cannot imagine. My heart breaks just thinking of it, sitting around all these women with their babies, her breast milk trying to come in but she has no baby to feed. Ugh. It just hurts.
1 in 4 children don’t live to the age of five here. 1 in 10 women die because of pregnancy or labor. So many babies die right after birth or are born dead. It’s terrible. The health care here is awful. I believe Mali is ranked the worst place (or right there) to have a baby. It is so true. And even though our hospital is better than most, it still is lacking. We don’t have all the supplies and equipment needed to care for babies/children. Even if we did, our staff just isn’t that great. Again, they are much better than most, but they have a ton to learn. Many mistakes are made. Tons. And often, the mistakes mean a loss of life. You learn by a death and what went wrong rather than just learning from school, or those above you, or even a close call like in the States. It’s hard to watch a baby die period. It’s even harder when you know it’s because of mistakes made at the hospital. The baby who died today was because of medical error. One of the babies and one of the women who died over the weekend were because of errors as well. Now I know that the Lord is sovereign over all things and that He is in control. I also know that even if everything had gone perfectly, these three (and many others) still may have died. But it’s just hard to grapple with when you think it could have been prevented. I look back on the instance with the mom and her baby. I was there from the time they first called for a c-section until we had done all we could with the baby. I wish I could have done something but as the new person, I went with what the others thought was best. Not that I knew what to do, but I wish I had pushed more for the first decision to do a c-section to be done earlier. There were just many mistakes and many miscommunications all around (even among the non-Malian staff). So sad.
In the OR for that mom’s case, Third Day’s “Show me Your Glory” was playing. At some points I thought the Lord would really show his glory and save the baby. I must admit that on Tuesday, I couldn’t even see his glory in those circumstances. Three babies dying all so quickly. One more baby was born that morning. So it was 1 in 4 that lived after delivery. I guess His glory can be seen in the one life. But I think as I process the whole thing more, I guess maybe His glory is seen as we just love on this mom who has lost her baby. To show her that we love her and care for her. Maybe she’ll understand a little of God’s love for her. Maybe she will come back again for her next child and this one will live. Maybe she’ll come to know Christ as her Lord and Savior. I don’t know. I just have to trust that He is faithful and He is good.
As I mentioned before, I am working with the women who are diagnosed with HIV. Since I started last week, 3 have been diagnosed. One took it fairly well and told her husband and mother. The other two refuse to tell a soul. I cannot imagine dealing with that all by yourself. Wondering if you gave it to your children, but not telling anyone. They are so concerned others will find out. It stinks because we do not have all the medicines you need to treat them. It is only given to the government hospital and it can give us some, but not enough to treat all those who come. The woman who was diagnosed today had a sad story. She is 17 weeks pregnant and only 23 or so. This is her second pregnancy but she lost the first. She is already married to her second husband because her first "got sick and died." Her first husband only married her because his first wife "got sick and died." So though no one knows for sure (there is no law requiring that you must inform partners of disease like the US) it seems those two both died from HIV. They just passed it from one to another and now on to this lady. We tried to explain that if she takes her meds she can live for a long time and her baby could not even get the disease. I just hope she is willing to go. She is supposed to come back next week and I'll take her to the main hospital to get registered to get her (free) medications. We'll see if she comes back. The pastor I'm working with is awesome. He has a great heart for these women and tells them that anytime they come for appointments for themselves or their babies to come by his office and they can talk. He is so nice. Yet today, it was weird to hear him tell this women not to cry. (His rationale was that if she cried then people would know something was wrong). But still, not crying after you've just found out you have HIV? I don't know. I couldn't do it. He did encourage her to put her trust in Jesus. I still think it is terrible that the disease is such a shameful thing that you can't tell the spouse. How unfair. You can't even tell them to use protection. So this woman, who most likely got it from her first husband, who most likely got it from his first wife, will probably just give it (if she hasn't already) to her husband now who can then pass it on to his next lady. How can the cycle end if you never tell the partner? And what about all the kids? At least we are able to diagnose and treat the women and hopefully prevent the passage of the disease to the kids. Again, just a tough situation.
Ok, that's enough of that...happier topics to come. I promise I won't always blog about cases like these.
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