Happy Birthday Kenan

January 1st my dear 2nd born turned 7 years old. He is such a joy to our family. He is sweet, giving, laid back (not sure where he gets that) and loves to laugh. He is a peacemaker and has such a tender heart. He is so excited to have a sister coming and can't wait to teach her all kinds of things. We are so thankful for this wonderful blessing!

He wanted a Ninjago Rebooted party. For those who aren't in the know, that is a new season/kind of lego ninjas. I don't understand the difference much except that their masks now do not cover their entire face and maybe their weapons are a little different. That's the extent of my ninja knowledge. 

We tried to make ninja stars but had a bit of trouble. :) I and a couple other parents were the only ones who stuck it out to figure them out.

There was an obstacle course and various games thanks to grandma who is always creative.

 The cake...with a regular ninja because I didn't realize until later that the rebooted didn't have full masks. (and yes this is the same design Silas had two years ago).

Ending with a homemade pinata which everyone enjoyed.

It's always fun to start the new year celebrating our dear Kenan. I look forward to seeing all the ways he grows in the coming year.

Goodbye 2013

When I first thought about 2013 coming to an end I thought, “Good riddance, 2013. Let’s move on as quickly as possible to 2014.” The pain, disappointment, and uncertainty of 2013 have left me a gun shy runner crawling on my hands and knees into a new year. Thus, my “goal” for the year was quite simple: I would like the baby growing in my stomach to somehow, in some way, come out this year. While I wish in some ways that the ticking of the clock at midnight would somehow work like tapping ruby slippers or wishing on a genie and all the problems of one year would automatically disappear with the start of the new one, the reality is that most everyone in the world will wake up in 2014 pretty much the same as they were the night before. Emotions, spiritual lessons, physical issues, and family relations don’t fit precisely in a year for the measure of time is of man’s design of which our lives don’t obey. I know we talk of resolutions and changes for the New Year, which is good, there is something to be said for starting over and trying again, but the truth is, we carry our burdens and pains with us. Yet, a new year provides us time to reflect on the year before and the lessons learned.

After just a few minutes of thought, I realized that 2013 wasn’t as terrible as I was choosing to remember. And even if it was, one of the biggest things I wanted to work on this year was thankfulness so I had better find something to be thankful for. In March I decided to start a thankfulness journal and have noted over a 1,000 things to be thankful for this year, whether that be a kiss from Silas, hearing my children laugh, tears with a friend, or even throwing up as that spoke of the life growing inside me. I was trying to learn to be thankful in any and every situation. I penned these words at the start of the journal, “I want to dare to live exactly where I am with joy and thankfulness, even though where I am may not be what I hoped it would be, the circumstances I wanted, or even vaguely resembling what I had planned it to be. I want to live in joy exactly where I am, trusting that His plan for me is better than anything I could dream up on my own.” When I wrote this, I remember feeling a bit dramatic, thinking of my life only vaguely resembling what I thought it should be, because honestly, my life had always resembled what I thought it would. Up until that point my plans and goals for life had happened. Sure there were bumps along the way but really I was living the life I had planned for myself.  I was a CMA missionary living in West Africa with my husband and three kids. Check, check, and check. I don’t mean to sound like I accomplished all my dreams on my own, because I didn’t, I truly believe the Lord had blessed me throughout my life and given me the desires of my heart. If I am brutally honest, I thought that I discerned well what the Lord wanted for me throughout life so what I wanted was what He wanted for me. Maybe that was the case, maybe not, but I can say that as I walk into 2014, my life only vaguely resembles what I had planned for myself, if at all. Despite that, I could find 500 things to be thankful for from July forward, once my plans began to unravel. And while I haven’t been terribly thankful the last two months, I wonder what state I would be in if the Lord hadn’t placed on my heart the desire to learn to be thankful in all circumstances this year. I look forward to continuing this journey of thankfulness in this year and the years to come.

So what am I thankful for when I look back at 2013?

I am thankful we survived it. It was a challenging year from beginning to end. I felt like most of the year was filled with miscommunication and misunderstandings, as if we were speaking to the deaf at Mandela’s funeral and we had the same translator who really couldn’t sign. So everything we said was received as mere hand motions of nonsense that were not understood by those who were trying to listen. I don’t think there has ever been a time where I tried as hard as 2013 for people to understand me or Brett. Yet, I learned that I must trust what the Lord says about me and what I know about myself and my family to be true and try not to listen to the words of man. Whether well intended or not, man is only man after all and cannot fully understand the thoughts of themselves, let alone others. So who I am, what I believe, and what I am called to rests only between me and the Lord so at the end of the day I have to make sure I am pleasing Him, regardless of what others may say or think. I wish in reality I could be as fully convinced of this as I sound writing it, but at least am I learning this lesson.

I am thankful for our time in Switzerland and France that we had this summer. It was a special trip for my family. The conference itself was good but it was the everything else that went with it that made it so special. It was a line in the sand trip for our family that will always be cherished. I got to see my boys conquer fears on high ropes or a gigantic slide. Brett and I had afternoons free to just be together, take walks and enjoy one another. It was a sweet time.

I am thankful for this life inside me. A totally unexpected surprise for us. I am thankful that it was a sweet blessing that began to shatter my understanding of my life and what it was to look like. I am thankful that we have a GIRL on the way and that the timing of this pregnancy and her life will always remind me of God’s faithfulness and of the rest and security I have in Him as my only safe haven.

I am thankful for beautiful friendships that flourished this year. Some were strengthened to such a degree that I know time and space will never affect the bond we have. Some were challenged and stretched, yet even still proved to be true. Two new families came to Mali with kids our boys’ ages. A prayer answered after 7 years. It was very sweet. Brett, for the first time, found a kindred spirit in a fellow teammate. The relationships with Malians also flourished and the bonds grew deep and true.

I am thankful that Brett’s depression has all but disappeared and that he ended the year, despite the difficulties, better than he has been since 2007. The Lord healed him at just the right time so that we could walk the hard road of being let go together. God’s faithfulness is so good.

I am thankful for being let go. It’s not what I wanted. It’s humbling and incredibly painful, but I am thankful. I see the Lord’s hand in it. I see how He is and will continue to grow us. I am thankful, as much as I don’t humanly like it, that my plans did unravel and that I have clear understanding that I am NOT in control of my life, He is. I am thankful that I can trust that His plans really are better than mine.

I am thankful for Mali and for the people who have forever changed my life. The staff at the hospital, the ladies I worked with, my neighbors, random people in the market. They are beautiful, wonderful people with a rich and welcoming culture and I am thankful to have experienced it. The love and support we received once we were let go was simply breath taking. These people know what it means to stand by your friends and support them, even if it means just sitting with you not speaking. The tears we shared are encouragement we received from them were blessings that I can never fully articulate. It was humbling to be loved so well by so many.

I am thankful that despite the circumstances that look daunting, the Lord has not released Mali from our hearts. Amidst all the difficulties, it was a year of confirmation for us that Mali is our home, whether or not that will continue, only the Lord knows, but for now, our home is Mali. When we were evacuated at the end of January because of unrest in the North, it was the boys’ words that rang out in my heart and spurred me to return. I kept thinking we were crazy to return, even though we felt safe, because I have kids who I needed to protect. But it was them who spoke of their longing to return and even as we were leaving spoke of how much they loved Mali and how lucky they felt that they could call Mali home. We made it through teaching the boys when the teachers and other students didn’t return after the evacuation. As I said above, we welcomed two new families and enjoyed the blessing of seeing our kids enjoying friendships. Brett finished the tennis court and enjoyed playing and teaching the boys and Malians. We saw new ministries springing up and opportunities to serve.  Our hearts were moved to different things and we were excited and energized for the new things ahead. Again, who knows what 2014 will bring, but for now, I am thankful to call Mali home, even though our physical bodies are currently removed from there for a time.

   

I guess 2013 wasn’t that bad at all. It was filled with hardships but His mercies proved new every morning.  As we walk into 2014, I am left with the lyrics of “Because He lives” that were sung at my grandmother’s memorial service just a few days ago.

Because He lives

I can face tomorrow

Because He lives

All fear is gone

Because I know

He holds the future

And life is worth the living

Just because He lives

How sweet to hold

A newborn baby

And feel the pride

And joy he gives

But greater still

The calm assurance

This child can face

Uncertain days

Just because He lives

Passing on Christmas traditions

The last time we were in America for Christmas was 2005 when Dawson was just 9 months old. I have fond memories of picking out our tree and decorating it as a child so pulling out our artificial tree in Mali, shaking off the dust, and putting it up is just not the same. Especially since it usually is just me putting it up and decorating as the boys get bored. I don't like decorating in Mali and often wish I could just bypass the decor altogether. But since we were home this year, the boys got to experience how getting a tree and decorating it is really supposed to happen. 

My family has been going to get their tree from the same gas station for as long as I can remember. They are "Charlie Brown" trees; you have to find the beauty in each one. They are not all symmetric and perfect. So you have to take time and look for just the right one with the right price.

Our selection

Then begins the next process: making snow for the tree. As a child we used Ivory detergent, now it has to be from the Ivory bar soap. You put the soap in the microwave, watch it grow (you can see it in there if you look hard), then take it out and let it cool.

After it is all in little flakes, you add water and beat it. Then you have snow to decorate the tree with. I was really surprised how much the boys got into it. I really didn't think they would last long, given how they are when we decorate our tree in Mali, but they loved it. (Please bear with all the pictures. There are a lot, but this probably won't happen again for many more years)

They even started making snowmen and snow balls which are now strategically placed in the tree.

The finished product with a very happy grandma. This is something she did as a kid with her grandparents and parents, then she did with us as kids, so it was quite special to do it with her grandsons as well.

Tarheel born and bred...

Since we came back to America earlier than planned, we figured we might as well take advantage of the sporting events we don't usually get to see. Our first weekend back we went to UNC for the pre-game festivities before the football game. So basically our boys think UNC is about jump castles and face painting. :) At least they cheer for Carolina. 

Shaking hands with the players as they went by before the game.

This is what Silas wanted to see. Ramses. That made the day for him.

And the pizza probably made the day for the other two. :)

He asked me to take a picture of him as we rode back on the bus. We had a lot of space since we were the only ones leaving the game as it started. Too expensive to get tickets for the game so we just enjoyed all the fun beforehand.

Once Silas posed as he did, Kenan and Brett decided to join in.

D wasn't into the serious face.

However, Silas continued with his for most of the ride. 

We were also able to go to the UNC/Davidson basketball game this weekend. It was a first for the boys. I think between the hot dogs, pizza, and ice cream they really enjoyed it. :)

We couldn't have asked for a better game, at least for memory sake. It was close the entire time and then went into overtime. Carolina dominated the 5 minutes and the atmosphere was so much fun. The boys were so pumped at the end. 

                                     

                                     

Back in America

We arrived and were greeted by happy grandparents.

And this is where we will call home for a good bit of time.

We came back the week of Thanksgiving and the boys enjoyed a game of croquet with Papa while we waited for lunch.

Jumping in leaves. I think only Dawson has ever jumped in leaves and that was a small pile in Albertville so this was basically a first for the boys.

And while we are enjoying things in America, Dawson's journal entry sums up how we've felt many days.

On a happier note, within a week of our arrival to NC, Kenan learned how to ride a bike without training wheels. Since there aren't straight and open roads to bike in Mali, he really hasn't biked at all, even with training wheels. He made great strides very quickly. 

Faces and moments I never want to forget

I wanted to post pictures of dear people who have changed me forever. To have been a part of the lives of these families is a blessing beyond what I can describe. The lady sitting beside me and the one behind her (whose daughter is in my lap) have been a part of the program I work with since the very beginning. They were the first two I started working with years ago. I have watched their kids grow up. We've sent one to sewing school and have seen her excel. These are dear, dear women to me and the thought of not being able to work with them again breaks my heart. The day this group left (we had called them in just to explain that we had to leave the hospital) was probably the worst day of our last six weeks (aside from the day we received the news that we were let go). I wept when they left. Wept. Did they fully understand how much I loved them and how thankful I was for them? How could I ever express that? As they walked out of the hospital, I watched the job I loved walk out with them. The ministry that had grown me and taught me so much was over. And while I hope the relationships will remain despite us not being at the hospital, I knew that the ease to see one another would never be the same. When they walked out of the hospital, so did a piece of my heart.

Several other ladies were not able to come the day the others did so I have some pictures with them as well.

This was our neighbor, Ali. He is deaf. Our family loved him and we were learning sign language before we left. He was a great teacher.

Now this family better stay in our lives forever. :) This is at the baptism for Jeremi's son, Stan. Baby Brett, who isn't a baby anymore, is the boy in blue. 

The last week were in Mali we had a time together with the staff at the hospital. We were blown away by the number of people who showed up. The chapel was full, as you can see, people had to even sit behind us as Brett shared some with them. After a time of prayer for us, the staff presented us with a Ciwara, which is given as a sign of good work, a job well done. I do not think they could have given us anything else that touched our hearts more. We were so blessed by this.

They ended with the whole chapel raising their hands and singing blessing over us. Again, words cannot express what this meant to us. We are so thankful for the time we got to spend at the hospital and the relationships that were built there. A tremendous, tremendous blessing. So incredibly thankful for the opportunity to have worked among these wonderful people.