Don't Make Me Count to Three!

I found a recommendation for this book, "Don't Make me Count to Three!" by Ginger Plowman on the Prayer of Hannah website, for those of you who read that page. I LOVED it! I felt like it was the first book that I read that gave practical ways to teach your children. I understand the theory and so forth of other books, but this was the how to book. I couldn't put it down. I'm not a reader, so this is a big statement. I can't think of the last book I read before then. I often will start a book but never finish it. This one I couldn't wait to read. I HIGHLY recommend this book to other mothers! Now I am going back through and writing down all the things I want to remember. Thought that while I was doing it, I would just post them here for others to read as well. (note, some of these are direct quotes from the book, others are my words). This is only the first half of the book. Seriously, this book is awesome. I felt like it gave me hope that I can train my kids in righteousness and it gave me advice on how to actually do it.

The greatest challenge today...is raising these precious children in
the ways of the Lord. God does have an important job for me and it
does require much skill. It is my calling, my priority, my struggle,
and my goal. I will rise to the occasion and accept the task at hand.
I will love, nurture, and train my children in the way that God has
called me to do.

Being a mom is more than being a cook, chauffeur, maid, counselor,
doctor, referee, disciplinarian, etc. It is about molding character,
building confidence, nurturing, training and guiding. There is nothing
like the influence that a mother has on her child. A mother's
influence has enormous potential to shape the person a child becomes,
for good or ill.

The mother in Proverbs 31 is the mother who taught, trained, guided,
and instructed her children diligently while they were young and in
her home. Now, presumably as adults, they are rising up and calling
her blessed. Why do they rise up and call her blessed? Because she
prepared them for adulthood. She prepared them to govern their own
actions. She prepared them to order their own lives according to the
Word of God. They bless her because they have been blessed by her.

A change in behavior that does not stem from a change in heart is not
commendable; it is condemnable. Is it not the same hypocrisy that
Jesus condemned in the Pharisees? In Matthew 15, Jesus denounces the
Pharisees who honored Him with their lips while their hearts were far
from him. Jesus censures them as people who wash the outside of the
cup while the inside is still unclean. ...When we focus on our
children's outside behavior and neglect what is on the inside, we will
cause our children to become manipulators...we risk them viewing
Christianity as a set of burdensome rules.

Rather than talking to your child, you talk with your child. Truly
beneficial communication is based not only on the ability to talk, but
also non the ability to listen. We should seek to understand what is
in the hearts of our children as well as showing them how to
understand and evaluate what is in their hearts.

All behaviors are linked to a particular attitude of the heart.

Our goal in probing the child's heart is to bring him to the sober assessment of himself as a sinner, to help him recognize his need for Christ, and to teach him to act, think, and be motivated as a Christian.

When your child learns how to recognize what is in his own heart, he is more likely to demonstrate godly responses on his own. In doing this, he is growing in wisdom. But when you simply tell him what his problem is and what he should do about it, you are hindering him from learning how to think like a Christian, and he will become handicapped in discerning the issues of his own heart.

Asking "why did you?" questions rarely works with children or even adults. Heart probing questions are better...for example... "What were you feeling when you hit your sister?" or "What did your sister do to make you mad?" then "Did hitting your sister seem to make things better or worse between the two of you?" "What was the problem with what your brother was doing to you?" so you want to pull out from them with each situation- what was the nature of the temptation- anger, envy, etc? how did the child respond to the temptation- was God pleased or no? What other ways could have the child responded that would have been better?

When we correct our children for wrong behavior but fail to train them in righteous behavior, we will exasperate them because we are not providing them with a way of escape (1 Cor 1013). This sort of neglect will provoke them to anger. There will never be a situation where this does not apply. As a rule, anytime you correct your child for wrong behavior, have him walk through right behavior.

For tattle telling- "he who is glad at calamity will not go unpunished." Prov 17:5

By having children go back and do the correct behavior in the right way I am training them in righteousness rather than just rebuking them for wrong. I am giving them a means of escape. I am teaching them to "put off" corrupt and deceitful desires and to "put on" the righteousness and holiness of God. Pull out what is in the heart of your child, work through how your child can replace what is wrong with what is right, and then have your child put what he has learned into practice. That is how you train them in righteousness.

Remember that training is a process. The days that our children really struggle and we become weary from training over and over again, remember Gal 6:9 "Let us not become weary in doing good for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

The Duties of Parents, J.C, Ryle says Train with this thought continually before your eyes The soul of your child is the first thing to be considered. In every step that you take about them, in every plan and scheme and arrangement that concerns them, do not leave out that mighty question, "How will this affect their souls?" Our ultimate goal in everything should be to point them to Christ.

Benefits of teaching in the moment:

1. Children learn how to become "doers" of the Word rather than just "hearers"

2. Children comprehend better when they learn in a hands-on situation.

3. Children gain the skills of fleshing out God's Word in daily life

4. Children are better equipped to obey God.

When Johnny aggravates his brother, teach him that one of the seven things God hates is "one who causes trouble with his brothers" prov 6:19. or stirring up trouble is foolish, but if you promote peace, you are wise. (james 3:17) or for anger: Prov 15:1- a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.' Love does not delight in evil 1 cor 13:6

Make the child go back and do the correct behavior. This way the child is putting his training into practice, which will not only give him a better understanding of how it works, but will also equip him for similar situations in the future. This is teaching in the context of the moment. It's teaching for the purpose of doing. It's teaching them how to apply God's word to daily life.

Keep in mind that teaching in the context of the moment is something that you will have to do over and over. In other words, you can't expect to teach them how to apply a biblical principle and then expect them to automatically have it. Just like many things, it takes practice. You may think that is sounds like a lot of time and work, and you are absolutely right! Training our children is a process. Keep on sowing and remember the laws of the harvest. You will reap what you sow.