Something missing

We just returned from Holden Beach with my family (MacLeans, my parents, my sister and her family, and Aunt Trisha). It was a good week overall. It was the first time we all went to the beach since my uncle John died. We've been going to the beach with them for years. We all wondered how this week would go. Though we didn't sit around and have long conversations about John, we spoke of him often and thought of him even more. I know daily he was on my mind. There was definitely something- someone- missing this year. I find processing a death is hard when living overseas because you are used to not seeing the person and thus can trick yourself into thinking they are still around. You can't when you walk into their house and they aren't there. Or see his garden and know he is no longer there to take pictures of the vegetables' growth week by week. Or go to the beach like you always did with them and they not be there. So I felt the need to write a few things out that I thought of this week.

I missed his laugh. I missed watching Trisha laugh with him.

I missed him taking pictures of everything- the "castles" the kids made, the sand shark the boy caught who was fishing right where we were swimming, the jellyfish in the trash can, the sunsets, games, smiles, food, himself, whatever might have caught his eye. And if he took a picture of me- he'd come over and make sure I approved it for his blog since he had in the past posted terrible pictures of me which I told him he had to remove and he did. So from then on, he always checked with me.

I missed him asking us to play something- volleyball, or bocce, or frisbee, or badminton, or trivial pursuit (which I would NOT have played since I stink at it).

I missed watching him swim with Trisha in the late afternoons.

I missed watching him ride on the boogie board.

I missed his silly jokes.

I missed hearing "I'm on vacation" as he would say all week and Trisha said began from the moment he walked in from work on Friday afternoon before the beach.

I missed him praying for meals.

I missed his smile.

I missed John.