The problem of fear

So this morning I read on facebook that one of our missionary friends, Mary, found and caught (with the help of Malians) a mamba snake. This is a 2-3 meter snake. Venomous, thus, dangerous. This was on our mission property where we go all the time and the kids play. This is how my thought process went this morning.

When I saw the note: “Oh, Mary found a snake. Wow.”

When I got to work and saw Jake and Jessica hiding the fact that they were talking about the snake, I said, “No, I’m better about this now. God has taught me a lot about fear.” I meant it. He has. Psalm 16:5 has been huge to me “Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup.” It’s in His hands.

Then I went down to our office and started looking up snakes. Reading about which ones were the worst and so forth. This is the season of snakes because the rain is here and people are plowing in the fields. Why I started reading about them, I don’t know. I knew it wasn’t good for me. Then I spent the next hour or so, thinking about that picture of the snake and just feeling fear creep into my body. It’s amazing to me how only moments earlier I was confident that life was in His hands and I didn’t need to worry.

Now I can remind myself of the many things that should make me feel better. Snakes are more often in the fields and far out places, not in town. This snake was really rare here. There is anti-venom for most of them. People have lived for years without snake bites. The only time I’ve ever come in contact with a dangerous animal was in West Virigina- when we hit a bear with the car. That wasn’t in Africa, that was America. Etc etc etc. But really, these are just words. They don’t get to the heart of the matter. The truth is that God is in control. My life and the life of my children are in His hands. Whatever He wills I trust will work out for the good. Not work for my happiness, comfort, ease of life, but for my good- what brings me to the foot of my Savior. I can look and say that the worst thing that could happen would be to lose Brett or the boys. I am confident that even then God will be with me. Yes it would be terrible and yucky and unbelievable, but God would be there. I can’t worry about what might happen. I can’t worry about tomorrow. Worry doesn’t change anything, it just makes me miserable. So as I did when I came home today and will have to do a gazillion times in the near future, I lay it down at the feet of Jesus. My family is in His hands. So yes I’m obviously not done with my lesson in fear but I thank God that He is making steps in me little by little.